1 00:00:02,661 --> 00:00:06,130 You know what truly makes America great? 2 00:00:06,198 --> 00:00:07,832 Community. 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,778 Americans understand that it takes teamwork... 4 00:00:10,798 --> 00:00:12,337 to make the dream work. 5 00:00:12,404 --> 00:00:15,273 This country is a giant melting pot of people... 6 00:00:15,341 --> 00:00:17,041 who are committed to building 7 00:00:17,109 --> 00:00:18,810 a better life for everyone. 8 00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,145 And even though we may have different mind-sets... 9 00:00:21,213 --> 00:00:24,115 we all agree that if our community survives... 10 00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:25,783 this country survives, 11 00:00:25,851 --> 00:00:28,386 only if everyone does their part. 12 00:00:28,454 --> 00:00:32,790 And that's what truly makes America great. 13 00:00:53,112 --> 00:00:57,239 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 14 00:00:58,117 --> 00:00:59,550 Mm, mm, mm. 15 00:00:59,618 --> 00:01:01,085 The horror. 16 00:01:01,153 --> 00:01:02,687 The horror. 17 00:01:02,755 --> 00:01:04,055 Mm. 18 00:01:04,123 --> 00:01:06,658 I can't believe you abandoned a 3-year-old. 19 00:01:06,725 --> 00:01:07,926 I think she was 4. 20 00:01:07,993 --> 00:01:09,827 You monster. 21 00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,195 If you watch closely, 22 00:01:11,263 --> 00:01:14,198 you can actually see her tiny spirit being crushed. 23 00:01:14,266 --> 00:01:17,068 Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity. 24 00:01:17,136 --> 00:01:20,452 Faith in humanity. No faith in humanity. 25 00:01:20,472 --> 00:01:22,674 That is how serial killers are born. 26 00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:24,375 Okay, look, I know it looks bad, 27 00:01:24,443 --> 00:01:26,244 but that is a little white girl. 28 00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:27,679 And as a black man... 29 00:01:27,746 --> 00:01:29,681 No! 30 00:01:29,748 --> 00:01:30,915 No. 31 00:01:30,983 --> 00:01:33,677 You do not get to play the race card today. 32 00:01:33,697 --> 00:01:35,213 Not with that. 33 00:01:35,788 --> 00:01:37,088 Sorry I'm late. 34 00:01:37,156 --> 00:01:39,337 There was a little snowflake on the elevator, 35 00:01:39,357 --> 00:01:40,657 so I had to take the stairs. 36 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,392 - Me too. - Careful, Dre. 37 00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:44,361 Someone's out there setting traps. 38 00:01:44,429 --> 00:01:45,429 I don't understand. 39 00:01:45,496 --> 00:01:47,698 Why are you two so afraid of a baby? 40 00:01:47,765 --> 00:01:49,800 We don't have the luxury of being helpful 41 00:01:49,867 --> 00:01:52,369 because we're instantly seen as threats. 42 00:01:52,437 --> 00:01:53,870 Well, that's just common sense. 43 00:01:53,938 --> 00:01:56,206 I see any adult male as a threat. 44 00:01:56,274 --> 00:01:58,175 The point is, we can't get away 45 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,476 with half the stuff that you guys do. 46 00:01:59,544 --> 00:02:02,379 One of these days, Alice, pow! 47 00:02:02,447 --> 00:02:03,747 Right in the kisser. 48 00:02:06,985 --> 00:02:09,219 How is it all right for Ralph Kramden to say that? 49 00:02:09,287 --> 00:02:11,499 - Pow! Right in the kisser? - It's so fun. 50 00:02:11,519 --> 00:02:14,491 America's favorite TV character's catchphrase 51 00:02:14,511 --> 00:02:16,526 is to punch his wife in the mouth 52 00:02:16,594 --> 00:02:17,861 if she says another word. 53 00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:20,097 Yeah, but he was a lovable Teddy bear. 54 00:02:20,164 --> 00:02:21,419 What? 55 00:02:21,439 --> 00:02:23,573 If I was a TV character, my catchphrase would be, 56 00:02:23,641 --> 00:02:25,041 "Oowee." 57 00:02:25,109 --> 00:02:27,143 In the show, my wife name would be Wee. 58 00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:29,079 And every week, she'll go one step too far, 59 00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:30,180 and I'll punch her in the mouth. 60 00:02:30,247 --> 00:02:31,443 Stop. 61 00:02:31,463 --> 00:02:33,983 - Ch-Ch-Charlie. - Relax. It'd be a cable show. 62 00:02:34,051 --> 00:02:35,452 Look, I'm sorry I'm late, boss. 63 00:02:35,519 --> 00:02:37,687 There's a little white girl in the elevator. 64 00:02:37,755 --> 00:02:39,055 Almost had me. 65 00:02:39,123 --> 00:02:41,324 I saw my freedom flash right before my eyes. 66 00:02:41,392 --> 00:02:44,160 So, some of my co-workers didn't get it, 67 00:02:44,228 --> 00:02:47,163 but I knew my family would. 68 00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,098 Mm-hmm. 69 00:02:48,165 --> 00:02:50,118 I married a monster. 70 00:02:50,138 --> 00:02:53,685 To be fair, as a black man, we can never be too careful. 71 00:02:53,705 --> 00:02:54,804 Mm-hmm. 72 00:02:54,872 --> 00:02:57,894 I remember my first little white girl in an elevator. 73 00:03:02,580 --> 00:03:04,247 Well... 74 00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,515 You did the right thing, son. 75 00:03:05,583 --> 00:03:06,560 - Mm-hmm. - I'm proud of you. 76 00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:08,047 - You're proud of him? - Damn proud. 77 00:03:08,115 --> 00:03:09,215 Okay, this is insane. 78 00:03:09,283 --> 00:03:10,316 What do you think would have happened 79 00:03:10,384 --> 00:03:11,617 if you'd helped the little white girl? 80 00:03:11,685 --> 00:03:14,053 I'm gonna help you find your mom, okay? 81 00:03:14,121 --> 00:03:15,888 All right, do you know what floor she's on? 82 00:03:16,790 --> 00:03:18,291 - So, Andre... - Huh? 83 00:03:18,359 --> 00:03:20,727 What were your plans here today? 84 00:03:20,794 --> 00:03:22,028 No, okay, I get it. 85 00:03:22,096 --> 00:03:25,732 You had to be guarded to survive the N.W.A. '80s, 86 00:03:25,799 --> 00:03:27,800 but it is Drake Summer '16. 87 00:03:27,868 --> 00:03:29,002 You don't have to be guarded anymore. 88 00:03:29,069 --> 00:03:30,336 Whatever. 89 00:03:30,404 --> 00:03:32,071 All right, I'm not gonna let you take this away from me. 90 00:03:32,139 --> 00:03:34,173 - Pops is proud of me. - Damn proud. 91 00:03:38,434 --> 00:03:40,088 Guess what, guys. 92 00:03:40,108 --> 00:03:41,998 Pbbt. I'm off tonight! 93 00:03:42,066 --> 00:03:43,566 Yes! 94 00:03:43,634 --> 00:03:44,901 Cool. 95 00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:46,269 And if I don't have to work, 96 00:03:46,337 --> 00:03:49,472 that means you get to spend some time with Bomby. 97 00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:52,108 You get it? 98 00:03:52,176 --> 00:03:54,410 I'm a bomb mommy. Bommy. 99 00:03:56,046 --> 00:03:57,447 Jack's been calling me that. 100 00:03:57,514 --> 00:03:58,981 I never ca... I never called you that. 101 00:03:59,049 --> 00:04:01,517 Yes, you did. Okay, listen, guys. 102 00:04:01,585 --> 00:04:03,353 I just want you to understand 103 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,421 that these are some of the last moments 104 00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:07,757 that, you know, you're gonna get to spend with me 105 00:04:07,825 --> 00:04:09,459 because when the new baby comes, 106 00:04:09,526 --> 00:04:12,528 I'm gonna disappear until you're, like, grown up. 107 00:04:12,596 --> 00:04:14,097 Well, come on, new baby. 108 00:04:14,164 --> 00:04:16,599 Okay, well, listen. 109 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,702 You guys either get to spend time with me, 110 00:04:19,770 --> 00:04:21,838 or you go to your rooms. 111 00:04:21,905 --> 00:04:24,674 Okay. Cool. 112 00:04:24,742 --> 00:04:27,069 - Bye, Bommy. - She... 113 00:04:27,089 --> 00:04:29,312 I see you found their kryptonite. 114 00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:31,447 You. 115 00:04:31,515 --> 00:04:32,648 - No. - Yes. 116 00:04:32,716 --> 00:04:34,311 - Nuh-unh. - Mm-hmm. 117 00:04:34,331 --> 00:04:37,019 No, I'm... We're... We were playing hide-and-go-seek. 118 00:04:37,087 --> 00:04:39,288 - Oh. - Yeah. 97... 119 00:04:39,356 --> 00:04:40,823 - 9... - Um... you need to stop. 120 00:04:40,891 --> 00:04:41,991 You want me to stop hide-and-go-seek? 121 00:04:42,059 --> 00:04:43,178 'Cause they're expecting me to come find them. 122 00:04:43,198 --> 00:04:46,462 They don't want you around because you reek of neediness. 123 00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,207 - What? - Now, I could help you win them back 124 00:04:48,227 --> 00:04:49,795 with just a few simple techniques 125 00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:50,962 that I use on the ladies. 126 00:04:51,030 --> 00:04:53,198 No. No, Earl. Okay? 127 00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:57,812 I am not going to use your pimp game on my children. 128 00:04:57,832 --> 00:05:00,238 No, I'm fine. 129 00:05:00,306 --> 00:05:01,640 100! 130 00:05:01,707 --> 00:05:05,343 Ready or not, here I come! 131 00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:09,147 Coming to find you! 132 00:05:09,215 --> 00:05:11,316 Sad. 133 00:05:11,384 --> 00:05:13,185 So sad. 134 00:05:16,044 --> 00:05:18,223 Hey, Uncle Johan, how come I can't find 135 00:05:18,291 --> 00:05:20,258 any of your spoken-word poetry? 136 00:05:20,326 --> 00:05:22,427 Mm, They Call Me Johan. 137 00:05:22,495 --> 00:05:24,590 Yeah, I searched for Johan. 138 00:05:24,610 --> 00:05:27,566 No, my poet name is They Call Me Johan. 139 00:05:27,633 --> 00:05:30,402 So, technically, I guess they call me They Call Me Johan. 140 00:05:36,409 --> 00:05:38,210 Hey, hey, come on. 141 00:05:38,277 --> 00:05:39,644 We were listening that. 142 00:05:39,664 --> 00:05:41,241 Hey, we are in Sherman Oaks, where it's illegal to jaywalk 143 00:05:41,309 --> 00:05:44,011 and illegal to scare the Caucasians. 144 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:46,079 You're not scaring anybody. Relax. 145 00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:47,281 I know you millennials 146 00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,283 like to live in your pretend post-racial utopia, 147 00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:51,418 but this is the real world. 148 00:05:57,158 --> 00:05:59,104 If they're so scared, why do they know 149 00:05:59,124 --> 00:06:00,427 all the words to Rich Homie Quan? 150 00:06:00,495 --> 00:06:02,396 Yeah, dude, Rich Homie Quan don't even know 151 00:06:02,464 --> 00:06:04,631 all the words to Rich Homie Quan. 152 00:06:08,336 --> 00:06:09,736 Now they're dabbing. You're not gonna dab back? 153 00:06:09,804 --> 00:06:11,138 No, I am not dabbing back. 154 00:06:11,206 --> 00:06:12,239 Come on, Dad. 155 00:06:12,307 --> 00:06:13,607 They're trying to show appreciation 156 00:06:13,675 --> 00:06:14,575 for you culture by dabbing. 157 00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:15,776 And you won't dab back? 158 00:06:15,844 --> 00:06:17,578 Seems rude... Basic dab protocol. 159 00:06:17,645 --> 00:06:19,046 I am not dabbing. 160 00:06:19,113 --> 00:06:21,582 Fine. We'll do it for you. 161 00:06:30,058 --> 00:06:31,492 Now you're the only one not dabbing. 162 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,661 Stop it. Stop it! 163 00:06:33,729 --> 00:06:36,130 Hey, hey. Come to my spoken-word showcase! 164 00:06:36,198 --> 00:06:37,898 They call me They Call Me Johan! 165 00:06:42,170 --> 00:06:44,505 I'm not saying the world stopped being racist. 166 00:06:44,573 --> 00:06:46,841 You just haven't noticed some things are different. 167 00:06:46,908 --> 00:06:50,144 You got to listen so you can hear. 168 00:06:50,212 --> 00:06:52,013 I'm trying to teach you, Dre. 169 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:55,116 I couldn't possibly hate you any more than I do right now. 170 00:06:55,183 --> 00:06:58,085 Look, I'm serious. Come get blessed at my showcase. 171 00:06:58,153 --> 00:06:59,854 I spit gems on this topic. 172 00:06:59,921 --> 00:07:02,990 I stand corrected. I can hate you more. 173 00:07:03,058 --> 00:07:05,993 So, Dad, are you saying Uncle Johan is wrong? 174 00:07:06,061 --> 00:07:07,161 Yes, Junior. 175 00:07:07,229 --> 00:07:08,863 Things are just as racist now as they were 176 00:07:08,930 --> 00:07:10,798 the first time they canceled Arsenio. 177 00:07:10,866 --> 00:07:13,067 The second time was his fault. 178 00:07:23,356 --> 00:07:25,392 Yes, order for delivery. 179 00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:27,628 6610 Heniger Street. 180 00:07:27,696 --> 00:07:31,098 Yeah, there's a gate, but it's never locked. 181 00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:32,800 You need my credit card. 182 00:07:32,868 --> 00:07:36,303 Uh... it's a Visa. 183 00:07:36,371 --> 00:07:38,372 3310... 184 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,609 For those of you who have never been black in America, 185 00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:45,391 trust me... This is very confusing. 186 00:07:45,411 --> 00:07:48,315 No, no, I live alone. Just me. 187 00:07:48,383 --> 00:07:50,117 And don't worry about the security cameras. 188 00:07:50,185 --> 00:07:51,218 They're fake. 189 00:07:51,286 --> 00:07:53,287 Very, very confusing. 190 00:07:56,297 --> 00:08:00,830 So, if white people are scared of you, you'd be upset. 191 00:08:00,898 --> 00:08:03,533 And now that they're not, you're still upset. 192 00:08:03,601 --> 00:08:06,269 Well, if you say it out loud, anything sounds crazy. 193 00:08:06,337 --> 00:08:07,470 Dre, what's going on? 194 00:08:07,538 --> 00:08:10,006 I'm losing my identity, Bow. 195 00:08:10,074 --> 00:08:13,510 Look, when the whole world hates you, you develop armor. 196 00:08:13,577 --> 00:08:15,612 You wear sagging jeans, rock chains, 197 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:17,310 and expensive kicks like, "You don't like me? 198 00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,397 Cool. I don't care what you think." 199 00:08:19,465 --> 00:08:22,000 But if I don't have that edge, then who am I? 200 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:24,236 You're someone who likes necklaces 201 00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,238 and hoards lots of shoes. 202 00:08:26,955 --> 00:08:27,939 Oh, my God. 203 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:31,109 I've turned into a middle-aged white woman. 204 00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:33,011 Is this how Caitlyn Jenner feels? 205 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:35,347 Dre, when you get stressed about these things, 206 00:08:35,414 --> 00:08:36,948 I'm the one who suffers. 207 00:08:37,016 --> 00:08:38,784 You took the good sink! 208 00:08:38,851 --> 00:08:40,418 You don't get to take my struggle, Bow! 209 00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:41,686 Dre, I'm serious. 210 00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:44,589 You wake me up so you can spend three hours 211 00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:47,325 dressing like you don't care what anybody thinks. 212 00:08:47,393 --> 00:08:48,627 The neighbors give me the side-eye 213 00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,462 'cause you treat them like Russian spies. 214 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:54,533 And I have never, ever seen the end of "Bagger Vance," 215 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:57,602 - "The Help," "Driving..." - I don't need to see them, Bow. 216 00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:59,471 - I know how they end. - Okay. 217 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,940 With Hollywood putting us back in our place. 218 00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,276 Dre, you can't keep walking around 219 00:09:04,343 --> 00:09:06,378 like the enemy is around every corner. 220 00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:08,380 It's not gonna kill you to wear the same pair of sneakers 221 00:09:08,447 --> 00:09:10,949 two days in a row or to just wave at the neighbors. 222 00:09:11,017 --> 00:09:12,450 Just, like, wave at them. 223 00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:14,352 Because if you don't change, babe, 224 00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,321 then they're not gonna change 225 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,590 and nothing is gonna get any better. 226 00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:22,794 I think what you're saying is... 227 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:26,598 my shoe game is holding up racial healing. 228 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,067 Yes, Dre. 229 00:09:29,135 --> 00:09:31,837 So why not just lead with that? 230 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,905 I don't know, but I'm glad I said it now. 231 00:09:33,973 --> 00:09:35,695 Now we know it's your sneakers. 232 00:09:35,715 --> 00:09:37,983 We got to bring them to the government 233 00:09:38,050 --> 00:09:39,951 so they can fix our world. 234 00:09:40,019 --> 00:09:44,155 So I took Bow's advice and let my guard down a little bit. 235 00:09:44,223 --> 00:09:47,826 I started by wearing the same shoes two days in a row, 236 00:09:47,893 --> 00:09:51,162 and I tried waving at one of my neighbors. 237 00:09:52,865 --> 00:09:54,895 Is that... Is that to me? 238 00:09:54,915 --> 00:09:57,150 You... You never wave to me. 239 00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,436 Don't take it personal, Janine. 240 00:09:58,504 --> 00:09:59,804 I'm not a big waver. 241 00:09:59,872 --> 00:10:00,939 You always wave to the gardeners. 242 00:10:01,007 --> 00:10:02,589 Well, we go way back. 243 00:10:02,609 --> 00:10:04,410 And the Vietnamese family that delivers our newspapers, 244 00:10:04,477 --> 00:10:05,845 you always wave to them. 245 00:10:05,912 --> 00:10:08,314 Oh, and you always wave to those cute African-American kids 246 00:10:08,381 --> 00:10:09,582 that sell candy bars. 247 00:10:09,649 --> 00:10:11,684 Uh, it's... it's, uh... It's not a pattern, Janine, 248 00:10:11,751 --> 00:10:14,420 so don't try to find one. 249 00:10:14,487 --> 00:10:15,688 Have a good day. 250 00:10:23,093 --> 00:10:26,495 I see hanging out with your children is going real well. 251 00:10:26,515 --> 00:10:28,497 Yeah, it is. 252 00:10:28,565 --> 00:10:29,899 - Just taking a little break. - Mm-hmm. 253 00:10:29,966 --> 00:10:32,001 You know, it's just... I'm actually tired 254 00:10:32,068 --> 00:10:33,536 from all the fun we've been having. 255 00:10:33,603 --> 00:10:34,703 - Yeah. - Oh, yeah. 256 00:10:34,771 --> 00:10:37,873 I got Rice Krispy treats, yeah! 257 00:10:37,941 --> 00:10:38,874 Eee! 258 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,209 - Thanks, lady. - Oh. 259 00:10:40,277 --> 00:10:41,677 I'm... I'm more of a cookie guy. 260 00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:44,313 Oh, well... Oh. 261 00:10:44,381 --> 00:10:45,714 I just feel bad for her. 262 00:10:45,782 --> 00:10:47,850 Fine. Pops... 263 00:10:47,918 --> 00:10:48,918 Yes? 266 00:10:53,056 --> 00:10:55,090 I have loved many women 267 00:10:55,158 --> 00:10:57,259 and been loved by even more. 268 00:10:57,327 --> 00:10:58,427 Instantly regretting this. 269 00:10:58,495 --> 00:10:59,914 Your problem is you try too hard, Rainbow. 270 00:10:59,934 --> 00:11:01,467 But I have three moves 271 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:03,202 that will make you seem less desperate. 272 00:11:03,270 --> 00:11:04,203 Okay. 273 00:11:04,271 --> 00:11:06,539 First... 274 00:11:13,648 --> 00:11:14,777 What? 275 00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,779 Make them wait. 276 00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:17,647 Sh... 277 00:11:17,714 --> 00:11:18,614 Mm-hmm. 278 00:11:18,682 --> 00:11:20,149 - That is good. - That's right. 279 00:11:20,217 --> 00:11:21,818 - Yes! - You feel me? 280 00:11:21,885 --> 00:11:24,287 Oh, my... That's so good. 281 00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:26,656 Second, make them jealous. 282 00:11:26,723 --> 00:11:27,790 Jealous. 283 00:11:27,858 --> 00:11:28,991 Now, your strongest move 284 00:11:29,059 --> 00:11:30,893 would be to get another family, 285 00:11:30,961 --> 00:11:31,961 but that's not for everyone. 286 00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,634 Oh, you... Oh, you were serious. 287 00:11:38,702 --> 00:11:39,902 You're serious. 288 00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:45,975 I waved at a bunch of white people today, 289 00:11:46,043 --> 00:11:48,261 - and nobody called the cops. - Oh, my God. 290 00:11:48,281 --> 00:11:50,561 But the real victory... I wore the same shoes 291 00:11:50,581 --> 00:11:53,850 I wore yesterday and still got three compliments. 292 00:11:53,917 --> 00:11:55,529 I really love the way you keep things in perspective, Dre. 293 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:58,718 And one of our neighbors said there's an HOA meeting tonight. 294 00:11:58,785 --> 00:12:00,553 So not miss out on a moment, 295 00:12:00,621 --> 00:12:02,888 - I think I'm gonna go. - Hmm. 296 00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,424 Uh, if you want some company, I'm happy to go with you. 297 00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,260 Oh, that sounds like fun. That's a good idea. 298 00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:10,730 He just wants to go pass out his slam poetry fliers. 299 00:12:10,797 --> 00:12:13,733 I'll bring them along just in case somebody wants to get woke. 300 00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,503 So, I went to the HOA, and I saw how much I'd been missing. 301 00:12:18,523 --> 00:12:20,791 In one night, I picked up some golf tips, 302 00:12:20,859 --> 00:12:24,628 learned a new handshake, and made an adorable new friend. 303 00:12:24,696 --> 00:12:27,998 So, I see you've met Mr. Biscuits. 304 00:12:28,066 --> 00:12:29,066 What are you doing here? 305 00:12:29,134 --> 00:12:30,968 I never miss an HOA meeting. 306 00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:33,504 How do you think that tree over our pool got cut down? 307 00:12:33,572 --> 00:12:34,672 Oh. 308 00:12:34,739 --> 00:12:36,473 Ah, Delores. 309 00:12:36,541 --> 00:12:40,344 We need to talk about bringing in those trash bins. 310 00:12:40,412 --> 00:12:43,681 I got to admit, attending the HOA meeting made me feel 311 00:12:43,748 --> 00:12:46,851 how Columbus must have felt when he discovered America. 312 00:12:46,918 --> 00:12:48,052 Minus the genocide. 313 00:12:48,119 --> 00:12:50,487 Okay, okay, we're all... We're all friends here. 314 00:12:50,555 --> 00:12:52,389 We can just be honest. 315 00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:54,391 So, you know, the Persian family down the street. 316 00:12:54,459 --> 00:12:56,093 Well, they're putting in columns, 317 00:12:56,161 --> 00:12:59,366 which I'm afraid makes it look a little... 318 00:12:59,386 --> 00:13:00,420 too Persian. 319 00:13:03,590 --> 00:13:05,558 You know what I mean, Dre. 320 00:13:07,695 --> 00:13:11,698 Well, it doesn't exactly fit into the neighborhood aesthetic. 321 00:13:11,765 --> 00:13:14,968 Yeah, right? Told you guys he was cool. 322 00:13:15,035 --> 00:13:17,637 And even though the website clearly says no guests, 323 00:13:17,705 --> 00:13:19,605 I'm so glad you brought They Call Me Johan 324 00:13:19,673 --> 00:13:22,308 because I've... I got to hear his poetry. 325 00:13:22,376 --> 00:13:23,309 Here we go. 326 00:13:23,377 --> 00:13:26,713 I got a telescope for my third eye. 327 00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,983 Guess you heard I... came to Sherman Oaks 328 00:13:30,050 --> 00:13:32,285 to stay with my sister's folks. 329 00:13:32,353 --> 00:13:34,554 I eat egg whites with my toast. 330 00:13:34,621 --> 00:13:37,281 Too much cholesterol in the yolks. 331 00:13:37,301 --> 00:13:38,835 They call me Johan. 332 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,737 I don't. 333 00:13:40,804 --> 00:13:44,374 We should carpool to his showcase and get French toast. 334 00:13:44,441 --> 00:13:45,675 - Why? - What was I talking about... 335 00:13:45,743 --> 00:13:47,885 Oh-sidosies. 336 00:13:47,905 --> 00:13:49,846 Well, looks like Janine's "not problem" 337 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,048 is rearing its ugly head again. 342 00:14:05,058 --> 00:14:06,258 Thanks, Dre. 345 00:14:13,333 --> 00:14:15,234 Uh, what's for dinner? 348 00:14:17,537 --> 00:14:19,905 I'm playing "Candy Crush," so... 349 00:14:20,562 --> 00:14:24,395 _ 350 00:14:24,811 --> 00:14:28,414 Should we order something or... 351 00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:32,580 _ 352 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,134 Mommy, I'm starving. 353 00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:38,987 _ 354 00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:40,607 You know what, guys? 355 00:14:40,675 --> 00:14:43,510 I just realized I got to... I got to go run some errands. 356 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:44,945 I'm gonna... 357 00:14:45,013 --> 00:14:46,213 I'll be back. 358 00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:48,015 But... 359 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:52,720 Johan, do the dab. 360 00:14:52,787 --> 00:14:53,654 Janine, do the dab. 361 00:14:53,722 --> 00:14:54,722 This is corny. 362 00:14:54,789 --> 00:14:56,724 Siri, play N.W.A. 363 00:14:59,127 --> 00:15:00,527 Siri, please don't. 364 00:15:00,595 --> 00:15:02,730 All right, today has been very chill 365 00:15:02,797 --> 00:15:04,698 and very unaggressive. 366 00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:06,367 Well, I hate to say I told you so, but, uh... 367 00:15:06,434 --> 00:15:07,534 Oh, well, you know what? 368 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,703 I'm a man that can admit when he's wrong. 369 00:15:09,771 --> 00:15:13,335 As soon as I put my guard down and went to my first HOA meeting, 370 00:15:13,355 --> 00:15:15,800 got to participate in some casual racism... 371 00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:18,212 - Ha. - And now I'm driving a semiconscious 372 00:15:18,279 --> 00:15:19,713 white woman home in her car. 373 00:15:19,781 --> 00:15:21,148 Life is good. 374 00:15:23,479 --> 00:15:25,267 I blame myself. 375 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,504 I can't believe I listened to Bow. 376 00:15:27,524 --> 00:15:28,758 BBD clearly said, 377 00:15:28,826 --> 00:15:31,349 "Never trust a big butt and a smile." 378 00:15:31,369 --> 00:15:33,242 Dad, nothing's gonna happen. 379 00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:35,063 And if it does, I have pre-paid legal. 380 00:15:35,131 --> 00:15:38,156 And I can't believe I listened to these two idiots. 381 00:15:38,176 --> 00:15:39,574 They got me to drop my guard 382 00:15:39,594 --> 00:15:41,562 and ignore 400 years of instincts. 386 00:15:46,999 --> 00:15:49,134 And I wouldn't even have run into Janine this morning 387 00:15:49,201 --> 00:15:51,536 if I had taken my usual 30 minutes 388 00:15:51,604 --> 00:15:54,939 to eloquently respond to racist YouTube comments. 389 00:15:55,007 --> 00:15:58,943 Dear K-K-Kevin... 390 00:15:59,011 --> 00:16:00,612 [bleep] you. 391 00:16:00,679 --> 00:16:01,880 What am I gonna do? 392 00:16:01,947 --> 00:16:03,815 People lose their licenses all the time. 393 00:16:03,883 --> 00:16:06,117 Just tell the officer you made an honest mistake. 394 00:16:06,185 --> 00:16:07,485 Mm. 395 00:16:07,553 --> 00:16:10,555 Funny story, I just started wearing skinny jeans, 396 00:16:10,623 --> 00:16:12,724 and my wallet doesn't fit in my pants. 397 00:16:14,213 --> 00:16:15,246 Damn it! 398 00:16:15,314 --> 00:16:17,782 Janine, where's the registration?! 399 00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:19,317 Black lives are at stake! 400 00:16:19,385 --> 00:16:22,687 Dad, can't you just tell the officer whose car this is? 401 00:16:22,755 --> 00:16:24,655 I'm sure they'll believe you. 402 00:16:24,723 --> 00:16:26,858 The registered owner of the car 403 00:16:26,925 --> 00:16:28,192 is this passed-out white woman. 404 00:16:30,562 --> 00:16:31,829 Before you explain anything, 405 00:16:31,897 --> 00:16:33,398 tell him you have a video camera. 406 00:16:34,057 --> 00:16:35,466 Good evening, Officer. 407 00:16:35,534 --> 00:16:36,534 I just want to let you know 408 00:16:36,602 --> 00:16:37,802 that I'll be videotaping tonight. 409 00:16:42,941 --> 00:16:44,854 You think it's too early to holla at Bow? 410 00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:45,944 Mnh-mnh. 411 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,745 Grief is treating her so good. 412 00:16:47,813 --> 00:16:48,799 Line starts behind me. 413 00:16:48,819 --> 00:16:50,367 - Hmm. - Oh, God. 414 00:16:50,387 --> 00:16:51,454 I'll get in that line. 415 00:16:51,521 --> 00:16:53,155 Hell, yeah. 444 00:17:57,170 --> 00:17:58,370 Oh, wow. 445 00:17:58,438 --> 00:18:01,807 They make such insightful comments on Facebook. 446 00:18:01,875 --> 00:18:03,442 I'll be the judge of that. 447 00:18:04,092 --> 00:18:05,521 Wow. 448 00:18:05,541 --> 00:18:07,909 Diamond really is wise beyond her years. 449 00:18:07,976 --> 00:18:11,312 I see cousin Cha-cha's dating an Abercrombie model. 450 00:18:11,380 --> 00:18:12,914 - Yeah. - Good for her. 451 00:18:12,981 --> 00:18:14,515 Don't look at pictures of them. 452 00:18:14,583 --> 00:18:16,517 Look at my real face. 453 00:18:16,585 --> 00:18:18,419 Look. Look. 454 00:18:18,487 --> 00:18:20,154 Oh. 455 00:18:20,222 --> 00:18:22,390 Oh. 456 00:18:26,562 --> 00:18:27,995 Wow. 457 00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,597 Check out cousin Dante. 466 00:18:43,984 --> 00:18:46,719 I-I-I-I know I sounded surprised, 467 00:18:46,787 --> 00:18:50,443 but I knew he was alive because I am a very good parent. 484 00:19:20,387 --> 00:19:24,290 Oh, so it's my fault that his white instincts to investigate 485 00:19:24,358 --> 00:19:26,785 is stronger than his black instincts to run. 486 00:19:26,805 --> 00:19:27,995 I ran. 487 00:19:28,015 --> 00:19:29,382 Shouldn't have gone back for the fliers, 488 00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:32,352 but I learned some very important lessons. 489 00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:34,588 Like pre-paid legal is not a real thing. 490 00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:36,756 And also, you should not attempt 491 00:19:36,824 --> 00:19:39,125 a citizen's arrest on a police officer. 492 00:19:39,193 --> 00:19:42,596 I've also learned that we are very, very far away 493 00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:45,332 from things being completely different. 494 00:19:47,034 --> 00:19:50,437 I think what Uncle Johan is trying to say is... 495 00:19:51,165 --> 00:19:53,940 it's still a crime to be black... 496 00:19:54,008 --> 00:19:58,311 - Oh. - If you're Kevin Hart or Shaq. 497 00:19:58,379 --> 00:20:03,116 So mind your P's and your Q's 498 00:20:03,184 --> 00:20:07,367 unless you want to be abused. 499 00:20:09,286 --> 00:20:11,134 - They call me... - Shut up. 500 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:12,902 Shut up. 501 00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:15,171 - Is that how I sound? - Worse. 502 00:20:15,239 --> 00:20:17,050 You're a grown man. 503 00:20:17,875 --> 00:20:19,342 Now, come on. 504 00:20:19,409 --> 00:20:20,977 Let's go see what they did to Janine. 505 00:20:21,044 --> 00:20:22,445 I think you were wonderful, Junior. 506 00:20:22,513 --> 00:20:24,647 - Thanks, Mom. - You sound like your uncle. 507 00:20:24,715 --> 00:20:26,734 - Let's go. - Don't encourage it. 511 00:20:35,366 --> 00:20:38,068 But then we're all still willing to change 512 00:20:38,135 --> 00:20:40,003 so we never miss a moment. 513 00:20:40,071 --> 00:20:41,438 - Wait a minute. - Hmm? 514 00:20:41,505 --> 00:20:43,940 So, the black driver's now friends with the old white lady? 515 00:20:44,008 --> 00:20:45,475 That's some bull[bleep] 518 00:20:49,747 --> 00:20:51,247 Okay, I'm telling you right now 519 00:20:51,315 --> 00:20:53,750 if the poo pie works out, I'm gonna lose my mind. 520 00:20:53,818 --> 00:20:55,118 Okay. 523 00:21:00,143 --> 00:21:03,553 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~