1 00:00:03,271 --> 00:00:05,438 - That was such a lovely sermon today. - Yeah. 2 00:00:05,507 --> 00:00:06,939 It was so uplifting. 3 00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:08,574 What'd you think? 4 00:00:08,610 --> 00:00:10,576 You know damn well I was sleeping. 5 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,447 So what game are we playing? 6 00:00:14,549 --> 00:00:16,115 Yeah, you could never stay awake, 7 00:00:16,151 --> 00:00:19,152 and that's why you always sit behind the lady with the biggest hat. 8 00:00:19,220 --> 00:00:22,822 It's your fault for feeding me pancakes before we go to church. 9 00:00:22,924 --> 00:00:24,891 And the reverend's fault for being so boring. 10 00:00:24,959 --> 00:00:27,126 What's that all about? That material used to work. 11 00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,261 Well, I am sorry. 12 00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:30,663 I'm sorry that Reverend Paul wasn't entertaining enough for you. 13 00:00:30,765 --> 00:00:32,131 You know, maybe he should juggle while he's trying 14 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:34,367 to save your soul from the fiery pits of hell. 15 00:00:34,969 --> 00:00:38,370 How is it you make the story of David/Goliath boring? 16 00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,106 A 12-year-old kills a giant with a rock. 17 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,474 That's not boring! 18 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,076 It should make me want to go out and kill a giant. 19 00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:45,377 Oh, stop. 20 00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:50,783 Eve, I thought you couldn't go to church because you were running a 5K. 21 00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:54,787 I could see why you would think that 'cause that's what I told you. 22 00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:56,455 Wow, lying on a Sunday. 23 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,191 I'm surprised we're not up to our asses in frog. 24 00:01:00,428 --> 00:01:03,295 Shouldn't say asses on Sunday, right? No, don't. No. 25 00:01:03,364 --> 00:01:04,763 You want coffee? Yes. 26 00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,832 Eve, when was the last time you went to church? 27 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:10,002 I mean, even Mandy goes with Kyle every Sunday to his church. 28 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:14,573 Really? Really, Mom? 29 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,742 Did that sound right as it came out of your mouth? 30 00:01:17,945 --> 00:01:20,379 Eve. I cannot believe you. 31 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,881 Have you forgotten John 3:16? 32 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,283 "Snitches get stitches." 33 00:01:25,620 --> 00:01:28,254 All right, so none of our daughters goes to church anymore. 34 00:01:28,322 --> 00:01:29,555 I should've seen this coming. 35 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,890 I mean, none of you stuck with gymnastics, either. 36 00:01:31,993 --> 00:01:34,526 What's the big deal? It's boring. Dad gets it. 37 00:01:34,629 --> 00:01:35,995 Are you kidding? Boring? 38 00:01:36,063 --> 00:01:38,297 12-year-old kills a giant with a rock? 39 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:40,099 I was on the edge of my pew. 40 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:44,737 Well, we're not kids anymore, so we don't need to make excuses about this. 41 00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:47,539 By the way, if Kyle asks, I went to church with you guys. 42 00:01:50,978 --> 00:01:53,178 I wish our daughters went to church. 43 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,413 So do I. 44 00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,202 Remember when we all used to sit together... 45 00:01:56,217 --> 00:02:00,819 the girls in their sweet little dresses, the... the choir, the organ music. 46 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:03,255 Mrs. Finnegan. She had that big hat. 47 00:02:03,324 --> 00:02:06,425 All the fathers would fight each other to get right behind her 48 00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,761 'cause if you sat just so, you could... 49 00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:13,866 Synced and corrected by Katniss Everdeen. www.addic7ed.com 50 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:18,971 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. 51 00:02:19,073 --> 00:02:20,572 You know, it's really too bad that your girls 52 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:21,974 don't want to go to church with you anymore. 53 00:02:22,076 --> 00:02:23,108 Yeah. 54 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,711 Kids always find new ways to break your heart. 55 00:02:25,813 --> 00:02:28,747 They stop going to church. They marry people you hate. 56 00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,751 They don't share your interest in Tito Puente. 57 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,188 He was the king of the mambo. 58 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:37,523 Yeah, yeah. 59 00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:40,359 That's a real punch to the gut right there. 60 00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:43,829 I remember when Brandon said he didn't want to go to church anymore. 61 00:02:43,931 --> 00:02:46,765 Carol laughed, whacked him with a Bible, threw him in the car. 62 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,966 There you go. 63 00:02:48,069 --> 00:02:50,369 I can't force my girls to go to church. 64 00:02:50,471 --> 00:02:52,838 I could knock them off that family phone plan. 65 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,239 But that's the only card I got left. 66 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,742 I'm saving that for something big. 67 00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:57,676 It's tough now. 68 00:02:57,723 --> 00:03:00,484 Churches have to compete with so many other forms of entertainment... 69 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:04,283 TV, movies, the Internet, and those Japanese restaurant, 70 00:03:04,385 --> 00:03:05,684 you know, that toss the shrimp up in the air 71 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:08,987 and slice them before they fall right back in your mouth. 72 00:03:09,090 --> 00:03:10,622 Those guys aren't all great. Yeah? 73 00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,825 I once got a Band-Aid in my fried rice. 74 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:18,464 When I was young... churches were full. Yeah. 75 00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,632 Because people had nothing else to do. 76 00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:25,571 But right after church, we'd all run down the street with a stick and a hoop. 77 00:03:27,108 --> 00:03:29,408 You should take your girls to a black church. 78 00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:31,310 Now, we know how to put butts in seats. 79 00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:34,713 We gave the world Aretha Franklin, Whitney Houston, and Beyoncé. 80 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,749 Oh, yes, yes. Good butts, too. 81 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:40,786 You know what your church needs, Mike. 82 00:03:40,855 --> 00:03:44,523 Yep, clever marketing director to help liven things up. 83 00:03:44,625 --> 00:03:47,292 I was gonna say Tito Puente. 84 00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,394 I know. He was the... 85 00:03:48,462 --> 00:03:50,429 king of the mambo... king of the mambo. 86 00:03:55,136 --> 00:03:56,502 Look, Kyle, just be yourself. 87 00:03:56,604 --> 00:03:58,303 My listeners on "Vegans and Villains" 88 00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,638 want to hear what you have to say. 89 00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,640 All right, how many listeners are out there? 90 00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,442 There are millions of listeners out there. 91 00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,445 But my podcast gets 14. 92 00:04:07,882 --> 00:04:10,315 And here come the butterflies. 93 00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:13,185 Okay, so I will greet them and then introduce you, check? 94 00:04:13,287 --> 00:04:14,953 Check. 95 00:04:15,055 --> 00:04:16,054 Watermelon. 96 00:04:16,157 --> 00:04:17,122 Watermelon. 97 00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:18,056 Watermelon. 98 00:04:18,159 --> 00:04:19,858 Tissue. Tissue. 99 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,326 Mwah. Mwah. 100 00:04:23,831 --> 00:04:24,930 Good to go. 101 00:04:25,032 --> 00:04:27,633 Okay. 102 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,369 In three, two, and... 103 00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:33,839 Welcome to "Vegans and Villains." 104 00:04:33,908 --> 00:04:36,742 I'm your host, Ryan Vogelson, with an hour of casual talk 105 00:04:36,811 --> 00:04:38,544 about my two favorite subjects... 106 00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:42,014 a do-no-harm diet and do-nothing-but-harm bad guys. 107 00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,242 My guest this week is Kyle... 108 00:04:43,284 --> 00:04:45,517 Ryan, have you seen the car keys? 109 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:46,985 Pause! 110 00:04:47,054 --> 00:04:48,654 Can't you see that I'm recording here? 111 00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,809 Sorry. I forgot you were doing your little web thingy. 112 00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:52,191 Boyd is late for hockey practice. 113 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,460 Hey, Uncle Kyle. Are you on the podcast? 114 00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,629 Ah, yes, I am. I am the special guest today. 115 00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:59,398 I've been on five times. 116 00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:02,868 I've had some cancellations. 117 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:04,236 Okay, got to go. Love you. Bye. 118 00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:06,305 Love you. 119 00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:10,943 And we're back. 120 00:05:11,045 --> 00:05:12,445 Sorry for that interruption, folks. 121 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,446 My wife barged in... again. 122 00:05:14,515 --> 00:05:17,716 Regular listeners will know what I'm talking about. 123 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,219 Maybe you shouldn't say stuff about your wife on the podcast. 124 00:05:20,321 --> 00:05:21,653 Eh, don't worry about it. She doesn't listen. 125 00:05:21,722 --> 00:05:23,789 She says she does, but I know she doesn't. 126 00:05:23,891 --> 00:05:25,424 That's what I love about Mandy. 127 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:29,127 She doesn't listen to me, and she does not mind telling me that. 128 00:05:29,196 --> 00:05:30,596 Okay, but doesn't that bother you? 129 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:32,764 Is there anything she does that drives you crazy? 130 00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,933 Oh, she has this red dress. 131 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:38,070 When she wears it, my neck starts to sweat. 132 00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:41,907 I mean, drive you crazy in an annoying way. 133 00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,475 Oh. 134 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:48,947 Well, every Sunday, she chooses to go to her parents' church over mine. 135 00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:50,782 And my church has snakes. 136 00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,918 Well, well, well. 137 00:05:52,987 --> 00:05:55,687 Sounds like we have two real-life villains to discuss. 138 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,589 We'll pick it up there after this. 139 00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,761 And we're back. 140 00:06:07,001 --> 00:06:08,333 - Hey, honey, listen. - Yeah. 141 00:06:08,435 --> 00:06:11,503 Think I have a way to get the girls interested in church again. 142 00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:14,373 Shame them? Bribe them? Blackmail? 143 00:06:14,441 --> 00:06:15,974 You know, instead of always guessing what I'm gonna say, 144 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,477 you might just let me... finish. 145 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:23,582 I just like to get something in before the monologue really gets rolling. 146 00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,050 It's all about marketing, really. Okay. 147 00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:26,885 The girls aren't buying what the church is selling. 148 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:28,487 That's where I come in. I got it. 149 00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:30,322 Jesus saves Mike, and now Mike saves Jesus. 150 00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:31,690 No, no, no, no, no. 151 00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:33,692 See, the message isn't the problem, it's the messenger. 152 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,761 This is the problem. 153 00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,963 And yet your mat says "Welcome." 154 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,365 Come on in. Hi, Reverend Paul. 155 00:06:40,434 --> 00:06:41,800 What are you doing here? 156 00:06:41,902 --> 00:06:44,069 Well, word on the street is, you want to make a contribution. 157 00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,804 I certainly do. Awesome. 158 00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,172 Well, we need some new choir robes. 159 00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:51,176 We take cash, checks, PayPal, Apple Pay, Venmo. 160 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:55,514 What I am offering is far more valuable than cash. 161 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,450 I'm going to make you more interesting. 162 00:07:00,788 --> 00:07:05,824 Money orders, debit cards... even scratchers... We're pretty lucky. 163 00:07:12,752 --> 00:07:14,485 The sermons are really the problem. 164 00:07:14,554 --> 00:07:17,288 I mean, you're losing people, and if you keep losing people, 165 00:07:17,357 --> 00:07:19,757 you're literally gonna be preaching to the choir. 166 00:07:22,128 --> 00:07:24,729 Look, i-it's okay, Mike. I-I really appreciate the help. 167 00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:26,631 I mean, just the one part of the job 168 00:07:26,699 --> 00:07:29,133 that never really clicked with me was the sermons. 169 00:07:29,202 --> 00:07:35,006 Well... that and, uh... baptisms. Hmm. 170 00:07:35,074 --> 00:07:36,641 Yeah. 171 00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:39,677 I always felt like I was waterboarding a baby. 172 00:07:40,713 --> 00:07:43,848 Well... that explains the crying in the confessions. 173 00:07:43,917 --> 00:07:45,616 Listen, I do a lot of public speaking. 174 00:07:45,718 --> 00:07:46,818 I could probably help you. 175 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:48,886 Do you have anything set up for this Sunday? 176 00:07:48,955 --> 00:07:50,875 All right, yeah. I mean, it's just a rough draft. 177 00:07:50,890 --> 00:07:52,156 So go easy on me. Perfect, perfect. 178 00:07:52,192 --> 00:07:53,558 All right. 179 00:07:53,626 --> 00:07:55,293 Corinthians... 180 00:07:55,395 --> 00:07:56,994 Stop. 181 00:07:57,096 --> 00:07:58,629 What? All I said was "Corinthians." 182 00:07:58,698 --> 00:08:00,665 I fell asleep before "inthians." 183 00:08:01,818 --> 00:08:03,139 You got to put some life into it. 184 00:08:03,169 --> 00:08:04,268 All right. 185 00:08:04,337 --> 00:08:05,636 Corinthians! No, no. 186 00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:08,039 Now we're playing Yahtzee! That's not gonna work. 187 00:08:08,107 --> 00:08:10,007 Sometimes to break the ice for the crowd, 188 00:08:10,109 --> 00:08:12,109 as well as yourself, a little joke, a little humor. 189 00:08:12,178 --> 00:08:13,578 All right. Um... 190 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:14,912 Oh, oh! 191 00:08:14,981 --> 00:08:17,949 Why didn't Noah play card games on the arc? 192 00:08:19,152 --> 00:08:21,285 'Cause he was standing on the deck. 193 00:08:23,389 --> 00:08:26,624 Yeah, if... if... if you're looking for a joke, I-I have a good one. 194 00:08:26,726 --> 00:08:28,860 Oh, good. 195 00:08:28,928 --> 00:08:32,029 So, um.... well, maybe you should say, 196 00:08:32,098 --> 00:08:36,634 "Does anyone know how Moses makes his coffee?" 197 00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:40,171 - You got to ask, "How?" - Oh. How? 198 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:45,176 So... with one part coffee, two parts the water. 199 00:08:49,749 --> 00:08:52,383 Or you could say, "He brews it." 200 00:08:53,653 --> 00:08:56,220 That's good. 201 00:08:57,624 --> 00:08:59,323 Like... Like "Hebrew"? 202 00:09:01,461 --> 00:09:03,761 It was right there! 203 00:09:05,832 --> 00:09:07,865 Listen, Mike, this is great. Listen, I got to run. 204 00:09:07,967 --> 00:09:10,101 Uh, do you have some extra time this week we can do it? Yeah. 205 00:09:10,203 --> 00:09:12,403 We can work a little on eye contact... 206 00:09:12,472 --> 00:09:14,805 eye contact. 207 00:09:16,542 --> 00:09:18,009 Wow. Wow. Yeah. 208 00:09:22,348 --> 00:09:26,284 Ugh. There you are. Kristin, I am beyond mad. 209 00:09:26,352 --> 00:09:28,786 I know I don't look it because I just had this oxygen facial, 210 00:09:28,888 --> 00:09:33,157 but underneath this beautiful glow is this, like, angry, monstrous... 211 00:09:33,226 --> 00:09:35,893 Well, you know the way that you get. 212 00:09:35,962 --> 00:09:38,529 I-Is this about that purse that Boyd took from your closet? 213 00:09:38,598 --> 00:09:40,665 I-I-I was gonna give it back, but I just... 214 00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,934 it makes me feel so fashion-y, you know, like... 215 00:09:43,002 --> 00:09:47,038 like I'm the flier for the juniors section at Target. 216 00:09:47,140 --> 00:09:49,407 Nope. Keep it. Ruined it for me. 217 00:09:49,475 --> 00:09:50,641 This is worse. 218 00:09:50,743 --> 00:09:51,976 Excuse me. Is anyone sitting here? 219 00:09:52,078 --> 00:09:53,811 Yeah, he... Thank you. 220 00:09:53,913 --> 00:09:56,580 Listen. 221 00:09:58,751 --> 00:10:00,518 Do you listen to Ryan's podcasts? 222 00:10:00,586 --> 00:10:02,820 Uh, of course. 223 00:10:02,922 --> 00:10:05,122 I-I love them. 224 00:10:05,224 --> 00:10:06,424 Oh! 225 00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:09,226 So, um, you're okay with being called "meaner than Catwoman"? 226 00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:11,762 What? 227 00:10:11,831 --> 00:10:13,192 He talks about me on those things? 228 00:10:13,232 --> 00:10:14,865 Mm-hmm. 229 00:10:14,934 --> 00:10:19,203 He also said you're a terrible listener and... even worse... pushing 30. 230 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,908 I thought they were just about superheroes and salads. 231 00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:25,609 No, no. That's a cover. 232 00:10:25,678 --> 00:10:28,112 It's a bitch-apalooza about wives. 233 00:10:28,181 --> 00:10:31,315 Also, he has some disgusting recipes on there. 234 00:10:31,417 --> 00:10:33,351 Literally nothing has meat in it. 235 00:10:33,419 --> 00:10:36,087 Okay, so, he talks smack about me on those podcasts? 236 00:10:36,155 --> 00:10:38,122 I mean, I bought him that microphone. 237 00:10:38,224 --> 00:10:39,757 Yep. I know. 238 00:10:39,826 --> 00:10:42,360 And now he's got Kyle doing it. You got to do something. 239 00:10:42,395 --> 00:10:45,629 Like Michelle Obama says, when they go low, kick them in the nuts. 240 00:10:47,467 --> 00:10:51,936 That's completely wrong, but, uh... in this case, solid advice. 241 00:10:52,038 --> 00:10:55,840 I'm, like, pretty pissed about some of the stuff he said about me on there, 242 00:10:55,942 --> 00:10:59,744 but now he's famous, so I'm super torn. 243 00:10:59,812 --> 00:11:02,313 Well, I suppose I should look at some of these. 244 00:11:02,415 --> 00:11:04,482 Oh, my God. There are 25. Yeah. 245 00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:06,050 Suddenly, he has follow-through. 246 00:11:08,154 --> 00:11:10,621 This one's even called "She's Pushing 30." 247 00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,561 So, what has the parable of the Good Samaritan taught us? 248 00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:19,864 Well, my friends... 249 00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:22,967 it's that we need to take care of our neighbors... 250 00:11:23,036 --> 00:11:24,635 unless they're Raider fans. 251 00:11:25,876 --> 00:11:27,677 I'm just kidding. Have you seen their helmets? 252 00:11:27,707 --> 00:11:29,974 Ooh! They work for that other guy. 253 00:11:31,477 --> 00:11:33,277 That's all me. 254 00:11:33,379 --> 00:11:35,112 So, let's recap. 255 00:11:35,181 --> 00:11:41,685 The Good Samaritan took care of a dirty, injured, half-dead stranger. 256 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,121 What a guy. 257 00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:46,424 I don't even like shaking hands during flu season. 258 00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:48,993 This is a blast, right? 259 00:11:49,062 --> 00:11:50,227 Solid set. 260 00:11:50,296 --> 00:11:52,463 I mean, I can see why they do four shows on Sunday. 261 00:11:52,565 --> 00:11:53,631 He's really compelling. 262 00:11:53,733 --> 00:11:55,466 I feel like he's talking just to me. 263 00:11:55,535 --> 00:11:57,568 That's eye contact. I taught him that. 264 00:11:57,637 --> 00:12:02,706 That's we sell snowshoes at Outdoor Man, and people don't even need them. 265 00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:05,943 But here's the takeaway. 266 00:12:06,012 --> 00:12:10,214 None of this stuff matters... if you're just gonna sit on your butts 267 00:12:10,316 --> 00:12:12,450 and think about doing good deeds. 268 00:12:15,288 --> 00:12:16,921 Where'd he go? 269 00:12:17,023 --> 00:12:18,823 Uh, where... where ...where'd he go? 270 00:12:18,891 --> 00:12:21,559 He's not done. He's not done. Wait for it. Wait for it. 271 00:12:21,661 --> 00:12:22,426 Gotcha! 272 00:12:23,796 --> 00:12:27,965 I'm back... just like another guy everybody thought was gone. 273 00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:30,734 But then he came back. 274 00:12:30,837 --> 00:12:33,904 Cue sincere closing. 275 00:12:34,006 --> 00:12:39,643 Sincerely, folks, I know it's my job to stand up here and inspire you. 276 00:12:39,712 --> 00:12:42,012 But as I look out at your faces, 277 00:12:42,081 --> 00:12:46,851 I realize... it's you that inspires me. 278 00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:47,985 Peace out. 279 00:12:56,429 --> 00:12:59,263 You were right, honey. He was boring before. 280 00:12:59,332 --> 00:13:00,664 You did a great job. 281 00:13:00,733 --> 00:13:02,533 Don't thank me. Thank God. 282 00:13:02,635 --> 00:13:04,468 He made me. 283 00:13:04,537 --> 00:13:07,671 You know, I think next week's sermon should be on humility. 284 00:13:07,773 --> 00:13:10,274 Yeah, and I'll crush it. 285 00:13:10,343 --> 00:13:11,442 Well, what'd you think? 286 00:13:11,511 --> 00:13:13,444 Come on. Hey, wow. That was fantastic. 287 00:13:13,513 --> 00:13:15,045 With the crowds we're gonna be pulling in, 288 00:13:15,114 --> 00:13:16,914 we'll be able to pay for new choir robes in no time. 289 00:13:17,016 --> 00:13:21,085 And then you could use the old ones as they were intended... as tablecloths. 290 00:13:21,154 --> 00:13:23,354 Hey, thanks for everything, Mike. You bet. 291 00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:25,256 Listen, I got to keep mingling. 292 00:13:25,324 --> 00:13:27,558 I know pride's a sin, but screw it. 293 00:13:27,627 --> 00:13:29,727 I was great. 294 00:13:31,664 --> 00:13:34,198 Uh, so, what do you guys think? Should we, uh... 295 00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:35,766 Should we make this a regular thing? 296 00:13:35,868 --> 00:13:37,501 Oh, Holy Ghost, yeah! 297 00:13:37,603 --> 00:13:40,070 Yeah, let's commit right now! 298 00:13:40,173 --> 00:13:43,073 Like, every... February. 299 00:13:43,176 --> 00:13:45,943 Or every other February. 300 00:13:46,045 --> 00:13:48,112 Or you know what? Hear me out. This was enough. 301 00:13:49,749 --> 00:13:53,350 I mean, this experience was so good, it can't be topped. 302 00:13:53,419 --> 00:13:55,653 Well, it could be. I won't be here. 303 00:13:55,755 --> 00:13:57,254 Me neither. 304 00:13:57,356 --> 00:13:58,289 Let me know. 305 00:13:58,391 --> 00:14:00,624 Oh, shoot. 306 00:14:00,726 --> 00:14:01,859 I thought we had them. 307 00:14:01,961 --> 00:14:04,094 I think we can get them back. 308 00:14:04,163 --> 00:14:07,398 I could burn one of them at the stake. 309 00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,266 Maybe Eve will get the message. 310 00:14:15,186 --> 00:14:17,286 Well, I guess that's it. We lost them. 311 00:14:17,388 --> 00:14:18,654 Our girls are done with church. 312 00:14:18,723 --> 00:14:20,990 There's a lot of ways to get them back, you know... 313 00:14:21,092 --> 00:14:23,959 drug addiction, bad marriage, serious illness. 314 00:14:24,061 --> 00:14:26,295 You got to think positive. 315 00:14:26,364 --> 00:14:29,398 I mean, I always treasured those Sunday mornings we spent together. 316 00:14:29,467 --> 00:14:32,134 It's a tradition that I would hope the girls would carry on. 317 00:14:32,203 --> 00:14:34,537 The reverend killed it, resurrected it, killed it again. 318 00:14:34,605 --> 00:14:36,172 What else can we do? 319 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:39,074 You know, I was glad he did my joke about feeding the multitudes 320 00:14:39,143 --> 00:14:41,444 with one fish and a loaf of bread. 321 00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:45,714 "And on that day, the Lord invented tapas." 322 00:14:45,783 --> 00:14:48,184 Yeah. Yeah. Strong small-plate joke. 323 00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:49,885 Yeah, small-plate jokes. 324 00:14:49,954 --> 00:14:51,921 We weren't just sitting there waiting to be entertained. 325 00:14:51,956 --> 00:14:53,156 We were a part of the service. 326 00:14:53,157 --> 00:14:55,357 We actually gave something of ourselves. 327 00:14:55,393 --> 00:14:58,828 Hmm. It worked for us. 328 00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,729 It'll work for them. 329 00:15:00,798 --> 00:15:02,598 They don't need to be entertained. 330 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,099 They need to get involved. 331 00:15:04,168 --> 00:15:05,668 What... What are you doing? 332 00:15:05,703 --> 00:15:07,336 Play along. Come here. Stick with me. Hey, wait. No. Wait. 333 00:15:07,405 --> 00:15:10,272 Why don't you ever just tell me what you're doing? 334 00:15:10,374 --> 00:15:11,474 Hey, girls. 335 00:15:11,542 --> 00:15:14,443 No. Shh! I'm in the fashion zone. 336 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,280 And it's gone. 337 00:15:18,382 --> 00:15:21,150 Your mom and I were talking, and we're okay with you guys going to church 338 00:15:21,252 --> 00:15:23,285 just a couple times a year, like on major holidays. 339 00:15:23,354 --> 00:15:25,788 Oh, you are? No way. 340 00:15:27,124 --> 00:15:28,624 They're up to something. 341 00:15:28,693 --> 00:15:30,626 Or, at least, Dad is. 342 00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:33,529 Oh, ye of little faith. 343 00:15:33,631 --> 00:15:36,332 Kind of amazed, Mandy, you didn't like the choir. 344 00:15:36,434 --> 00:15:38,675 I mean, those robes are pretty spectacular, right, honey? 345 00:15:38,769 --> 00:15:40,302 Uh, yeah, yeah. They were. 346 00:15:40,404 --> 00:15:42,805 Uh, still don't know what you're doing. 347 00:15:42,874 --> 00:15:45,207 Those choir robes are awful, Dad. 348 00:15:45,276 --> 00:15:47,743 It's like a bunch of sad people being tented for termites. 349 00:15:50,748 --> 00:15:52,915 It's too bad you couldn't draw something better. 350 00:15:52,984 --> 00:15:55,651 Pretty sure I could in like two seconds. Yeah? 351 00:15:55,686 --> 00:15:58,787 Like they say in the Old West, why don't you draw, sister? 352 00:16:00,558 --> 00:16:06,395 Okay. Um... I'd start by defining the shoulders, 353 00:16:06,430 --> 00:16:11,100 give it a nice scalloped hem, and maybe some gold beading, 354 00:16:11,202 --> 00:16:13,269 burgundy overlay... Ah. 355 00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:14,970 ...and... voilà. 356 00:16:16,574 --> 00:16:17,640 I like it. 357 00:16:19,343 --> 00:16:21,810 Now we got to find somebody who could make that for us. 358 00:16:21,879 --> 00:16:24,013 I could knock that out in five minutes. No, no. 359 00:16:24,048 --> 00:16:28,050 Give me that. Uh, yeah, we dare you to knock it out. 360 00:16:31,222 --> 00:16:32,288 Got it. 361 00:16:37,061 --> 00:16:38,093 Oh, boy. 362 00:16:38,195 --> 00:16:39,695 I'll tell you what, Eve, that music, huh? 363 00:16:39,764 --> 00:16:41,530 What do you think? That was just great, wasn't it? 364 00:16:41,632 --> 00:16:43,966 Just cut to the chase, old man. 365 00:16:44,035 --> 00:16:47,369 It's more fun for him this way. 366 00:16:47,438 --> 00:16:48,938 It's a sickness. 367 00:16:53,044 --> 00:16:54,610 Hello, friends. 368 00:16:54,679 --> 00:16:57,313 Welcome to another episode of "Vegans and Villains." 369 00:16:57,381 --> 00:17:01,750 Today, we're discussing the Joker and spaghetti squash pad thai. 370 00:17:01,852 --> 00:17:04,453 I'm joined once again by Kyle Anderson. 371 00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:09,491 For those of you wondering about Boyd, he's on a playdate this week. 372 00:17:09,527 --> 00:17:11,694 My wife, Mandy, is a great person. 373 00:17:11,762 --> 00:17:16,065 She is perfect in every way, and I love her very much. 374 00:17:16,133 --> 00:17:20,035 Looks like Kyle has kicked off the corrections portion of the podcast. 375 00:17:20,104 --> 00:17:21,905 Last week, we said some things about our wives 376 00:17:21,973 --> 00:17:23,706 we probably should have kept private. 377 00:17:23,741 --> 00:17:25,774 I-I think it's a lesson to us all. 378 00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:28,744 You should never say something about a loved one to another person 379 00:17:28,846 --> 00:17:30,746 that you wouldn't say to their face. 380 00:17:30,815 --> 00:17:32,381 That's very thoughtful, Kyle. 381 00:17:32,416 --> 00:17:34,683 Well, it came up a lot in my talk with Mandy. 382 00:17:36,253 --> 00:17:38,887 I hope I got that right, honey. 383 00:17:38,956 --> 00:17:41,023 You know, I think I said what I said because 384 00:17:41,125 --> 00:17:43,792 I knew my wife wasn't listening, even if she said she was. 385 00:17:43,861 --> 00:17:46,729 And my immature, bratty side wanted to pay her back. 386 00:17:46,831 --> 00:17:48,364 Dude, that sucks. 387 00:17:48,466 --> 00:17:49,632 I know. 388 00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:51,100 Turns out, I'm not only a vegan. 389 00:17:51,202 --> 00:17:54,303 I'm also a villain... Passive-Aggressive Man. 390 00:17:54,405 --> 00:17:57,272 Yeah, he... he seems really nice, and then he does stuff 391 00:17:57,308 --> 00:18:00,242 and later, you realize, "Man, that was super crappy." 392 00:18:00,311 --> 00:18:02,444 Yes. Thank you, Kyle. 393 00:18:02,546 --> 00:18:05,080 And to my lovely wife... 394 00:18:07,251 --> 00:18:08,684 ...I'm truly sorry, honey. 395 00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:14,156 From now on, if I have an issue, I'll just tell you... and not Gene and Gary, 396 00:18:14,258 --> 00:18:18,594 the Banford twins, Melissa, and the gang at the downtown sub shop. 397 00:18:18,696 --> 00:18:19,695 What about Gabe? 398 00:18:19,764 --> 00:18:21,463 Oh, he sent me an e-mail. We lost him. 399 00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,333 Anyway, it'll never happen again. 400 00:18:24,368 --> 00:18:28,237 But in my defense, I did say way more good things about you than bad things. 401 00:18:28,339 --> 00:18:32,274 And yet, for some strange reason, I'm only focused on the bad things. 402 00:18:34,578 --> 00:18:38,213 Uh... for those of you who can't see, my wife is blowing me a kiss. 403 00:18:39,517 --> 00:18:41,016 And here it comes now. 404 00:18:47,858 --> 00:18:52,294 Hey, Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man with a message for our online community. 405 00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:58,467 "Online community"... That's a contradiction in terms. 406 00:18:58,536 --> 00:19:01,570 It's not a community if you can't hear, smell, 407 00:19:01,672 --> 00:19:04,073 or see the guy you're talking to. 408 00:19:04,108 --> 00:19:07,142 You can brag in a chat room about the size of the buck you bagged, 409 00:19:07,211 --> 00:19:10,079 but lying to someone's face is harder, 410 00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:13,348 which is why it's so much more rewarding. 411 00:19:13,417 --> 00:19:16,852 So, come on down... see us, hear us, smell us. 412 00:19:16,954 --> 00:19:19,388 We got a restaurant, a full bar, and a gun range. 413 00:19:19,457 --> 00:19:23,492 And I should have said that in a different order. 414 00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,528 Like any community, Outdoor Man is about give and take. 415 00:19:26,630 --> 00:19:30,466 You give us your money... and we take it. 416 00:19:30,534 --> 00:19:34,870 You see, that kind of good-natured humor, you can't get online. 417 00:19:34,972 --> 00:19:37,372 So get out and join a real community. 418 00:19:37,441 --> 00:19:41,043 Come and meet new friends. Try on some new threads. 419 00:19:41,145 --> 00:19:46,014 We've got outdoor clothes in every size... except small and medium. 420 00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:02,531 And I think you'll find you get a whole lot more back. 421 00:20:06,303 --> 00:20:09,171 What are you doing? The girls are singing. 422 00:20:09,273 --> 00:20:10,906 I'm watching my vlog. 423 00:20:11,008 --> 00:20:13,408 It lines up pretty well with what's going on here.