1 00:00:00,300 --> 00:00:02,623 Fathers and sons, in the animal kingdom, 2 00:00:02,633 --> 00:00:04,644 the roles have always been pretty clear. 3 00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:08,370 Fathers are the Alpha male... Strong, fierce, and in charge. 4 00:00:09,347 --> 00:00:13,220 Sons are the Beta male... Cute, cuddly, 5 00:00:13,230 --> 00:00:15,864 and easily smacked out of the way. 6 00:00:15,966 --> 00:00:18,700 But we humans are much more evolved than that. 7 00:00:18,769 --> 00:00:19,968 Oh! We're our sons' teachers. 8 00:00:20,070 --> 00:00:21,870 What? Uh... 9 00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:25,207 Our sons' role model. 10 00:00:26,410 --> 00:00:27,509 Our sons' hero. 11 00:00:27,578 --> 00:00:29,478 Hey, what's going on, son? 12 00:00:29,580 --> 00:00:32,447 But there comes a time in every dad's life 13 00:00:32,516 --> 00:00:36,348 when things begin to change. 14 00:00:36,744 --> 00:00:39,703 In the animal world, when the boy starts to man up, 15 00:00:39,713 --> 00:00:40,856 there are two choices. 16 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:44,626 The son can eat the father, or the father can eat the son. 17 00:00:44,762 --> 00:00:46,566 Come on! Uh-huh! 18 00:00:46,576 --> 00:00:48,096 Ah, get that out of here, boy! 19 00:00:48,199 --> 00:00:49,598 Gonna have to do better than that, son. 20 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,099 You gonna have to better than that at my house. 21 00:00:51,202 --> 00:00:53,615 But when it happens in our world, 22 00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,070 things aren't that simple. 23 00:00:55,139 --> 00:00:56,972 Come on, what you got? Oh, you coming in the house. 24 00:00:57,074 --> 00:00:59,541 Oh, you coming in the house. 25 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,009 Ow! 26 00:01:01,111 --> 00:01:02,711 Gah! 27 00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,179 What?! 28 00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:05,914 Oh! Oh! 29 00:01:06,016 --> 00:01:07,115 Ha! 30 00:01:07,218 --> 00:01:08,317 Oh! 31 00:01:08,419 --> 00:01:10,719 Oh, oh! 32 00:01:10,821 --> 00:01:12,421 Oh! 33 00:01:12,523 --> 00:01:15,057 It was at this moment 34 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:19,228 I knew I had no other choice but to eat my son. 35 00:01:19,330 --> 00:01:20,762 Foul. 36 00:01:20,865 --> 00:01:23,977 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~ 37 00:01:25,870 --> 00:01:27,603 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 38 00:01:27,705 --> 00:01:30,496 Yes, YouTube Tuesday. What we watching? Huh? 39 00:01:30,506 --> 00:01:32,147 Dogs dragging their butts on the ground? 40 00:01:32,157 --> 00:01:34,243 Oh, even better... Your demise as a man. 41 00:01:34,345 --> 00:01:35,944 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 42 00:01:36,046 --> 00:01:37,145 This is trending on Twitter. 43 00:01:37,248 --> 00:01:39,114 The real one, not the black one "Empire" owns. 44 00:01:39,216 --> 00:01:40,549 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 45 00:01:40,651 --> 00:01:41,683 Oh, look at that. 46 00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:44,019 - Testes! - Oh, this is bad. 47 00:01:44,121 --> 00:01:45,487 You can actually see the moment 48 00:01:45,589 --> 00:01:47,413 when Junior loses all respect for his father. 49 00:01:47,423 --> 00:01:49,258 - Yeah... - Charlie, I'm right here. 50 00:01:49,774 --> 00:01:51,905 Oh, I'm sorry, Dre. I didn't recognize you 51 00:01:51,915 --> 00:01:53,428 without Junior's testicles in your face. 52 00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:54,596 Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! 53 00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:56,868 Outstanding. He's humiliated! 54 00:01:56,878 --> 00:01:59,049 All right, the boy got lucky and dunked on me once. 55 00:01:59,059 --> 00:02:00,099 All right, not a big deal. 56 00:02:01,315 --> 00:02:02,881 Looking for an Andre Johnson. 57 00:02:02,891 --> 00:02:03,971 Right here. 58 00:02:03,981 --> 00:02:05,649 I have a gift from Andre Jr. 59 00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:07,515 Oh. You see that? 60 00:02:08,264 --> 00:02:11,014 Probably apologizing for posting that video. 61 00:02:11,722 --> 00:02:12,972 "Dear Dad, 62 00:02:12,982 --> 00:02:15,300 I know how much you like to eat nuts." 63 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:20,506 - Bon appétit. - That kid is special. 64 00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:23,900 Look, my son is not special, all right? 65 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,458 He's just going through a phase right now 66 00:02:25,468 --> 00:02:27,252 where he's trying to assert himself. 67 00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:28,981 I'm going through the same thing with my son. 68 00:02:29,083 --> 00:02:30,416 Trying to man up on me. 69 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,351 Always asking me for lunch money. 70 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:34,383 Bugging me for a mattress. 71 00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:37,322 Vaccines, shoes that fit, love. 72 00:02:39,817 --> 00:02:41,126 Love is what he really wants. 73 00:02:41,136 --> 00:02:42,494 Okay, you know what? 74 00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:44,340 Halloween is coming up. 75 00:02:44,595 --> 00:02:47,458 And I'm gonna show him who's smarter, stronger, 76 00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:49,289 and the most terrifying. 77 00:02:49,299 --> 00:02:51,703 I am the prank king, remember? 78 00:02:51,806 --> 00:02:53,505 Come meet your new cousin, Colton. 79 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,775 Aunt Jill says be very careful when you hold him, all right? 80 00:02:58,646 --> 00:03:00,704 You thought you killed a baby! 81 00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:02,815 Bam! Oh, we kicked the baby! 82 00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:05,551 Sulu can't be here. Where's his line of fire? 83 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:06,653 Think! 84 00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,323 Chair monster! Chair monster! 85 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:14,493 You know, all I've got to do is get inside Junior's head 86 00:03:14,503 --> 00:03:15,994 and terrorize him a little bit. 87 00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:18,497 And bam! I'm back on top. 88 00:03:19,638 --> 00:03:21,700 Boy, I can't remember the last time I had nuts. 89 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,576 Uh, that is because you are deathly allergic. 90 00:03:24,586 --> 00:03:27,406 That's why this office is nut-free zone. 91 00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,675 - Unlike Dre's forehead! - Unlike Dre's forehead! 92 00:03:29,777 --> 00:03:31,043 U-Unlike Dre's forehead! 93 00:03:31,145 --> 00:03:32,744 Damn it, I was right there. 94 00:03:32,847 --> 00:03:35,297 - Hmm. - Sorry. 95 00:03:35,307 --> 00:03:37,087 Hmm. 96 00:03:38,121 --> 00:03:39,248 Hey. Oh, my. 97 00:03:39,258 --> 00:03:41,954 Happy almost Halloween! 98 00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:44,811 Guess who I am. 99 00:03:44,821 --> 00:03:47,493 - I... - Bee-yoncé. 100 00:03:48,114 --> 00:03:50,421 - Beyoncé. - I see. 101 00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,736 And are you wearing...? 102 00:03:52,746 --> 00:03:55,162 Oh, no, no, bronzer. This is not blackface. 103 00:03:55,172 --> 00:03:56,916 You are the second person to ask me that, though. 104 00:03:56,926 --> 00:03:59,828 - No, it's not blackface. - Good. 105 00:03:59,838 --> 00:04:02,141 So besides you coming over here 106 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,709 and daring me to slap you... 107 00:04:05,220 --> 00:04:06,812 is there any other reason you stopped by? 108 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:09,448 Yes. Last Halloween, remember, got a little hectic, you know, 109 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,520 with all the others coming into our neighborhood. 110 00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:13,811 So this year, I thought we just lock it down 111 00:04:13,821 --> 00:04:15,888 and just host a mischief night. 112 00:04:15,990 --> 00:04:17,389 And what is mischief night? 113 00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,459 Well, it's a slightly naughty tradition on the night before Halloween, 114 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,594 where we encourage teens and tweens 115 00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:26,698 to blow off a little steam in a... a safe, controlled, 116 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,014 and non-urban way. 117 00:04:29,024 --> 00:04:30,169 Excellent idea! 118 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:31,470 Wait, what? 119 00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:35,541 I just watched a fascinating documentary about this. 120 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,011 The one night a year where all crime is legal, 121 00:04:39,079 --> 00:04:43,057 where its citizens can release all the demons 122 00:04:43,067 --> 00:04:44,983 - pent up inside them. - Uh, Ruby. 123 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:47,986 - Mm. - That's a movie called "The Purge." 124 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,155 Great name for it, Rainbow. 125 00:04:50,224 --> 00:04:51,290 Oh, no, it's a... 126 00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:54,293 What's this neighborhood needs is a good purge. 127 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:55,694 Cool, I want to purge. 128 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,449 Mm-hmm. I've dreamed of purging. 129 00:04:57,459 --> 00:04:59,798 Okay, no... no purging and no dreaming. 130 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:02,634 Go back upstairs, and I will call you when dinner's ready. 131 00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,069 Janine, just let yourself out. 132 00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:05,129 - Oh, oh. - Yeah. 133 00:05:05,139 --> 00:05:06,505 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 134 00:05:06,574 --> 00:05:07,604 - Yeah, okay. - Mnh-mnh-mnh. 135 00:05:07,614 --> 00:05:09,341 See, see, all those rules. 136 00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,909 Those kids are gonna snap. 137 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:12,411 See, in my experience, 138 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,247 a little release works wonders for the community. 139 00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,115 The day after the Watts riots 140 00:05:17,218 --> 00:05:19,084 was the most peaceful day of the year 141 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,520 because the devil came out 142 00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:24,654 and freshly looted Kenmores came in. 143 00:05:24,664 --> 00:05:27,392 Okay. I... I'm just not sure that's right for mischief night. 144 00:05:27,402 --> 00:05:28,393 It's settled then. 145 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,463 - Oh. - A neighborhood purge! 146 00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:36,702 - I'm Ruby, by the way. - Hi. Janine. Uh... 147 00:05:37,699 --> 00:05:40,405 - Can I touch your hair? - Ooh. 148 00:05:42,585 --> 00:05:43,634 Don't do that. 149 00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,544 That night, I got my first taste 150 00:05:45,613 --> 00:05:48,413 of a world where Junior wasn't afraid of me anymore, 151 00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:50,949 and that was not a world I wanted to live in. 152 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,117 Hey. 153 00:05:52,219 --> 00:05:54,686 You get that package I sent you? 154 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,498 Uh-huh. 155 00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,258 - It was very amusing. - Amusing? 156 00:05:59,326 --> 00:06:00,792 It was hilarious. 157 00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,328 And I say that with no ego. 158 00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,830 Get a load of this kid. 159 00:06:04,932 --> 00:06:06,431 Babe, can you get the salad bowl? 160 00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,115 - Sure. - Thank you. 161 00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,807 Who put the large bowl all the way up top? 162 00:06:13,817 --> 00:06:15,693 Oh, is that high? 163 00:06:17,612 --> 00:06:19,478 I can't even tell anymore. 164 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,179 Here you go, little guy. 165 00:06:21,248 --> 00:06:23,949 Like a regular Dane Cook. 166 00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:25,651 Yeah, that's not a compliment, Bow. 167 00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:27,185 We've gone through this, okay? 168 00:06:27,288 --> 00:06:30,889 I can't believe you like this new Junior. 169 00:06:30,899 --> 00:06:33,592 - It's cute! - Wow, Mom. When you smile, 170 00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:36,662 you have these adorable folds on the side of your mouth. 171 00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,030 Hmm. 172 00:06:38,132 --> 00:06:39,298 Crush him. 173 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,533 Already ahead of you. 174 00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,335 Plan is in motion. 175 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,569 Junior. 176 00:06:44,672 --> 00:06:47,406 You know that, uh, that basket you sent was clever. 177 00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,908 Yeah. You know, but some people are allergic to nuts, 178 00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,743 so you could have really hurt someone. 179 00:06:54,408 --> 00:06:56,915 A lot of people are allergic to peanuts. 180 00:06:56,925 --> 00:06:59,677 You could have really hurt someone. 181 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,586 Charlie Telphy. 182 00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:05,057 Beloved father, middling employee... 183 00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:06,491 Killed by nuts. 184 00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,928 Can't believe this is happening. 185 00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:12,030 Oh, son. It's not your fault. 186 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:14,933 Well, yes, it is. 187 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,736 - What? - This is insane. 188 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,137 Look, you don't get it. 189 00:07:19,239 --> 00:07:21,273 This is between father and son, okay? 190 00:07:21,375 --> 00:07:24,567 Junior is testing me, and I must eat him. 191 00:07:24,577 --> 00:07:27,927 So mind your business because this is my Sixteen Chapel. 192 00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:33,151 Did you just say "Sixteen Chapel"? 193 00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:36,188 Bow, a man has died. 194 00:07:37,066 --> 00:07:39,358 Can I just say I love what you're doing here? 195 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:41,093 Oh, thank you, Zoey. 196 00:07:41,195 --> 00:07:43,729 How much are we paying for all this? 197 00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,134 Nothing. 198 00:07:45,301 --> 00:07:48,351 Josh... he volunteered to pay for the whole thing. 199 00:07:50,084 --> 00:07:52,552 I never told Josh this isn't real. 200 00:07:52,562 --> 00:07:53,972 Oh, my God. 201 00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:57,203 Why do you always take the good ones? 202 00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,277 Why are you smiling? 203 00:08:03,287 --> 00:08:05,517 You know Charlie's not really dead, right? 204 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:06,685 Yeah. 205 00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:07,986 But one day... 206 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,354 At this point, we'd like to invite anyone 207 00:08:09,423 --> 00:08:12,573 - to come forward and pay their respects. - One day. 208 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:15,327 Hey, man, how you doing? 209 00:08:15,429 --> 00:08:17,423 A little emotional. 210 00:08:17,433 --> 00:08:20,298 A lot of people came out to say goodbye to me. 211 00:08:20,367 --> 00:08:21,800 I don't see my parents, though. 212 00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,035 But in all fairness, I didn't go to theirs neither. 213 00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:26,544 Ooh, look at that big-booty girl over there crying. 214 00:08:26,554 --> 00:08:27,583 Where? 215 00:08:27,593 --> 00:08:29,441 Now would be my chance if I wasn't dead. 216 00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:32,210 I'm not dead, right? 217 00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:33,412 Ch... Shh, shh. 218 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,884 Here come Junior. 219 00:08:34,894 --> 00:08:37,000 Hold your breath. Hold your breath. 220 00:08:42,756 --> 00:08:44,729 I don't feel so good. 221 00:08:46,139 --> 00:08:48,261 You know, that's exactly what Charlie said 222 00:08:48,271 --> 00:08:51,430 before he closed his eyes forever. 223 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,998 Gonna miss you, Charlie. 224 00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,367 Let's let him rest in peace, son. 225 00:08:56,608 --> 00:08:57,884 You killed me. 226 00:09:00,461 --> 00:09:02,174 - You didn't hear? - Hear what? 227 00:09:03,846 --> 00:09:05,644 Son, it's okay. Let's go. 228 00:09:08,518 --> 00:09:09,781 - Oh. - Hi, guys. 229 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,516 Mischief night starts in five minutes. 230 00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,618 I wanted to make sure you got your reflectors, 231 00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:15,331 your time-out whistles. 232 00:09:15,341 --> 00:09:16,548 Hard pass, Janine. 233 00:09:16,558 --> 00:09:18,989 Yeah, if they end up at the top of a clock tower, 234 00:09:18,999 --> 00:09:20,091 don't call me. 235 00:09:20,194 --> 00:09:21,893 I will not call you. 236 00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,728 Attention, neighbors! 237 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,968 The purge has officially begun! 238 00:09:25,978 --> 00:09:28,130 - What? - For the next 12 hours, 239 00:09:28,140 --> 00:09:29,868 all crime is legal. 240 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,270 No, I don't... I don't mean to quibble. Not crime. 241 00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:34,139 It's just some mischief. 242 00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:37,409 Your neighborhood thanks you for you participation. 243 00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:40,045 This is crazy! 244 00:09:50,574 --> 00:09:52,824 - Wait. - Zoey, do you see that? 245 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:55,598 Dude, there's nothing there. 246 00:09:55,889 --> 00:09:58,663 I think you're starting to lose it. 247 00:10:00,584 --> 00:10:02,033 Ice cold. 248 00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:03,201 Well-played. 249 00:10:03,270 --> 00:10:05,737 Please let me do more. I love hurting him. 250 00:10:05,839 --> 00:10:08,106 I'm going in. 251 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,083 Hey, son. 252 00:10:11,471 --> 00:10:14,012 Uh, why aren't you outside purging? 253 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,581 Wasn't really feeling up for it. 254 00:10:16,591 --> 00:10:17,816 Oh, yeah. 255 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:20,221 I guess it would be kind of hard 256 00:10:20,231 --> 00:10:21,520 trying to have some fun out there 257 00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:25,448 when you know that Charlie will never have fun again. 258 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,850 Eustace, either. 259 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:29,544 You know, since you took his father away from him. 260 00:10:29,554 --> 00:10:31,463 Ah, it's okay, son. 261 00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:33,832 Try to get you some sleep, little guy. 262 00:10:35,804 --> 00:10:37,502 Sleep tight. 263 00:10:40,418 --> 00:10:43,554 - We got him. - Epic. 264 00:10:43,564 --> 00:10:44,797 I haven't seen someone that scared 265 00:10:44,865 --> 00:10:47,105 since that Asian lady dropped what I thought was her gun. 266 00:10:47,493 --> 00:10:49,898 Lady, stop. Don't run. 267 00:10:49,908 --> 00:10:52,265 I don't want to follow you all the way home, but I will. 268 00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,776 Stop. Stop, girl. 269 00:10:54,786 --> 00:10:55,874 Turns out it was my gun. 270 00:10:55,943 --> 00:10:59,187 Well, your gun game is shaky, but your ghost game is on point. 271 00:10:59,197 --> 00:11:00,891 Thanks. 272 00:11:00,901 --> 00:11:02,367 - But just to be clear... - Mm-hmm. 273 00:11:02,377 --> 00:11:03,768 I'm not really dead, right? 274 00:11:03,837 --> 00:11:04,736 Uh... 275 00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:06,686 no, Charlie. 276 00:11:06,696 --> 00:11:07,872 You're good. 277 00:11:07,975 --> 00:11:09,841 Just double-checking. 278 00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:12,243 I'm having a blast. Not confused at all. 279 00:11:12,312 --> 00:11:14,012 So glad I agreed to do this. 280 00:11:14,114 --> 00:11:16,042 Hey, Dad? I was... 281 00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:17,496 Hey, son, how are you? 282 00:11:17,506 --> 00:11:20,318 Uh, I think Charlie's ghost is haunting me. 283 00:11:20,420 --> 00:11:22,522 Hey, hey, little man. 284 00:11:22,532 --> 00:11:25,219 There's no such thing as ghosts, okay? 285 00:11:25,229 --> 00:11:28,041 It's... it's probably just your guilty conscience. 286 00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:29,799 But you'll get over it. 287 00:11:29,809 --> 00:11:31,329 - Thanks, Dad. - Or not. 288 00:11:32,005 --> 00:11:33,565 Hey, sweet dreams... 289 00:11:34,019 --> 00:11:36,601 killer. 290 00:11:38,972 --> 00:11:40,372 How long I got to keep doing this? 291 00:11:40,474 --> 00:11:41,873 Until the next part of my plan, 292 00:11:41,975 --> 00:11:44,743 where I capture his humiliation on video. 293 00:11:44,845 --> 00:11:46,611 That way, it's forever. 294 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,666 Just like death. 295 00:11:48,763 --> 00:11:51,182 Which hasn't yet come for me, just confirming. 296 00:11:51,284 --> 00:11:52,183 Huh? 297 00:11:52,285 --> 00:11:53,285 Not yet. 298 00:11:54,226 --> 00:11:56,032 Not yet or never? 299 00:11:56,042 --> 00:11:57,301 Hey, guys. 300 00:11:57,311 --> 00:11:59,858 I was thinking we could have our own mischief night 301 00:11:59,926 --> 00:12:01,993 and have breakfast for dinner. 302 00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:03,895 Wha... 303 00:12:03,997 --> 00:12:05,030 What? 304 00:12:05,098 --> 00:12:08,317 "Dear Mom, we're sleeping under our beds. 305 00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:09,567 Don't check. 306 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:12,303 Do not go looking for us in the purge." 307 00:12:12,372 --> 00:12:13,571 Damn it. 308 00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:23,415 Okay. I'm a little scared. 309 00:12:23,483 --> 00:12:24,382 Don't be. 310 00:12:24,484 --> 00:12:26,317 I was born for this. 311 00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,853 We're approaching my destiny. 312 00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:31,456 Yes, yes, citizens! Good work! 313 00:12:31,558 --> 00:12:33,992 Now I want you to dig deeper. 314 00:12:34,061 --> 00:12:36,461 Has your neighbor been parking on our your driveway? 315 00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:39,364 Does you husband spend too much time 316 00:12:39,466 --> 00:12:41,800 watching the neighbor lady swim? 317 00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:44,602 Okay, Ruby, that's a little bit more than I... I bargained for. 318 00:12:44,705 --> 00:12:47,005 Is there any way you can help me shut this down? 319 00:12:47,107 --> 00:12:48,073 Absolutely. Okay. 320 00:12:48,175 --> 00:12:49,074 Uh-huh. 321 00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:50,675 Aah! 322 00:12:50,777 --> 00:12:53,011 That's my mailbox! 323 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:57,015 Did your neighbor ask to touch your hair? 324 00:12:57,117 --> 00:12:58,283 Yeah! 325 00:12:58,351 --> 00:13:01,219 Tonight, we settle all scores! 326 00:13:02,622 --> 00:13:04,522 Now take your pound of flesh! 327 00:13:09,357 --> 00:13:10,862 All right. Come on, you got this. 328 00:13:10,931 --> 00:13:12,163 This harness will hold me, right? 329 00:13:12,265 --> 00:13:13,298 Of course, probably. 330 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,599 Oh, hey, Zoey. Hey. 331 00:13:14,701 --> 00:13:15,734 Make sure you capture 332 00:13:15,836 --> 00:13:17,569 your brother's humiliated face, all right? 333 00:13:17,671 --> 00:13:19,938 Got it. Again, love hurting him. 334 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:22,006 - You know, you're a great dad. - All right. 335 00:13:22,109 --> 00:13:25,276 I forgot to pick up Eustace from soccer practice. 336 00:13:28,882 --> 00:13:30,014 Dad? 337 00:13:30,117 --> 00:13:32,083 You know, I'm sure he's gonna be all right, Charlie. 338 00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:33,618 Come on, let's get you into position. 339 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:34,719 Come on, hurry up, man. 340 00:13:34,821 --> 00:13:36,454 Don't be nervous, I got this. Come on. 341 00:13:45,899 --> 00:13:48,533 Oh, I'm-a go steal those roses to bring to my teacher tomorrow. 342 00:13:48,602 --> 00:13:49,601 Cool. 343 00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:51,770 I'm gonna make those people homeless. 344 00:13:52,973 --> 00:13:55,507 Hey! You stop that right now! 345 00:13:55,609 --> 00:13:57,108 This purge is over for you two! 346 00:13:57,210 --> 00:13:59,010 We are going home now! 347 00:13:59,112 --> 00:14:00,311 Oh! 348 00:14:00,413 --> 00:14:02,280 Okay. All right. 349 00:14:02,382 --> 00:14:03,948 Okay. You have paintball guns. 350 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:05,717 Well, we have a home to get to. 351 00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:09,020 We are taking a little purge time-out, okay? 352 00:14:09,122 --> 00:14:10,021 No, no. 353 00:14:10,123 --> 00:14:11,256 Hey! 354 00:14:11,358 --> 00:14:14,859 We have opted out of the purge! 355 00:14:14,928 --> 00:14:17,962 I demand safe passage! 356 00:14:18,732 --> 00:14:19,931 Ohh! 357 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,067 This is cashmere! 358 00:14:24,371 --> 00:14:26,037 Oh. 359 00:14:26,139 --> 00:14:28,973 You listen here, you little [bleep] 360 00:14:29,075 --> 00:14:31,009 I am gonna [bleep] slap you so hard 361 00:14:31,111 --> 00:14:32,277 that your [bleep] 362 00:14:32,379 --> 00:14:34,646 are gonna be bleeding out of your [bleep] 363 00:14:34,714 --> 00:14:35,889 Give me this! 364 00:14:35,899 --> 00:14:36,965 Get out of here! 365 00:14:37,067 --> 00:14:38,132 Good lord, Mommy! 366 00:14:38,234 --> 00:14:40,301 Doesn't it feel good to purge? 367 00:14:40,403 --> 00:14:42,704 It's like... your skin is dancing. 368 00:14:42,839 --> 00:14:44,205 Okay, I am worried about you. 369 00:14:44,274 --> 00:14:45,506 Let's go. Let's go home. 370 00:14:45,609 --> 00:14:47,108 - You stay close to me. - Can I have the gun? 371 00:14:47,210 --> 00:14:48,176 No, you can't have the gun. 372 00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,377 - Can I have the Molotov? - No! 373 00:14:49,446 --> 00:14:50,445 Come on, son. 374 00:14:50,547 --> 00:14:52,046 You can't keep hiding like this, all right? 375 00:14:52,148 --> 00:14:55,049 You need to be around people... Living people. 376 00:14:55,118 --> 00:14:57,151 All right? Let's watch a movie. 377 00:14:57,220 --> 00:14:58,953 What about "Ghost Dad"? 378 00:15:06,433 --> 00:15:09,593 We got you, and we got it all on video! 379 00:15:09,603 --> 00:15:12,037 And it's posted. 380 00:15:12,047 --> 00:15:14,839 We got you, sucker! 381 00:15:14,941 --> 00:15:17,309 Wait, this was all a prank? 382 00:15:17,377 --> 00:15:20,778 Yep, and I'm not really dead. Right? 383 00:15:20,788 --> 00:15:24,164 The prank king has put you back in your place, little guy. 384 00:15:24,174 --> 00:15:25,757 Now, come on. Get up and show me some love. 386 00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,756 Come on, boy, quit playing. Get up, show me some love. 387 00:15:28,766 --> 00:15:31,651 Ow! Stop. My leg really hurts. 388 00:15:31,661 --> 00:15:34,779 Ow. What's happening? What... why are you kicking him? 395 00:15:47,482 --> 00:15:50,049 Sure. Bow, his leg might be broken. 398 00:15:54,188 --> 00:15:55,821 Sweetheart, we'll be right behind you, okay? 399 00:15:55,923 --> 00:15:56,822 Come on, guys. 400 00:15:56,924 --> 00:15:58,216 Hey, before you... Can someone... 401 00:15:58,226 --> 00:15:59,673 Someone close the door, please. 402 00:15:59,683 --> 00:16:00,980 Yeah, I got you. 403 00:16:00,990 --> 00:16:02,495 They can't hear me because I'm dead. 409 00:16:15,492 --> 00:16:17,315 Sorry. That's, uh... 410 00:16:17,325 --> 00:16:19,109 That's definitely from the stairs, huh? 411 00:16:19,119 --> 00:16:22,046 - What? - Not, uh, not pre-existing condition? 412 00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,615 I mean, it could be from when you kicked me. 413 00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:26,216 I didn't... I didn't... 414 00:16:27,127 --> 00:16:29,820 Mr. Johnson, can I speak with you outside? 415 00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,689 Uh, can't we talk right here? 416 00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:33,157 Legally, I need to... 417 00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:34,958 isolate you from the victim. 418 00:16:35,061 --> 00:16:37,161 Uh... The vi... 419 00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:39,863 I'm going to jail. 420 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:43,067 - You should. You're a bad person. - I... 421 00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,436 I just need to get some of the particulars of the incident. 422 00:16:45,446 --> 00:16:46,904 I'll get your son's version next. 423 00:16:46,914 --> 00:16:48,338 Oh, you ain't gonna need to talk to him. 424 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,140 He's just gonna be doubling up on what you're about to hear. 425 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:52,075 Which is? 426 00:16:52,603 --> 00:16:54,211 Okay. 427 00:16:54,221 --> 00:16:57,247 It started with a salad bowl on the high shelf. 428 00:16:57,316 --> 00:16:59,983 They were literally in my face. 429 00:17:00,086 --> 00:17:01,585 Resting on my forehead. 430 00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:02,920 So I told him he killed a man. 431 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,421 Eustace never got picked up from soccer. 432 00:17:04,523 --> 00:17:05,622 Did I want him to fail? Yes! 433 00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:07,458 Daddy trouts eat their sons. 434 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:09,159 A lot of people say "Sixteen Chapel." 435 00:17:09,261 --> 00:17:12,706 And I was only kicking him because I thought he was lying. 436 00:17:12,847 --> 00:17:15,999 Well, Mr. Johnson, it's clear you're not an abusive father. 437 00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,569 - Mm. - You're just a short, petty man. 438 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:19,608 Yes! 439 00:17:19,618 --> 00:17:21,371 Your son still has two broken legs, you know. 440 00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,040 Yes. 441 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:29,176 Jack, I was going to drink this orange juice, 442 00:17:29,186 --> 00:17:30,981 but would you care for it? 443 00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,417 Only if you take half my bagel... 444 00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:34,485 The bigger half. 445 00:17:34,553 --> 00:17:36,153 Aww, thank you, brother. 446 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:38,541 I haven't asked you in a while, but... 447 00:17:38,551 --> 00:17:39,890 how are you? 448 00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,725 You know, balls and strikes. 449 00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:43,627 - Mm-hmm. - Are you seeing this? 450 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:46,630 The kids are being... not themselves. 451 00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:47,731 It's crazy. 452 00:17:47,741 --> 00:17:52,669 It's like your purge made them better people. 453 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,805 I hate to say this. 454 00:17:54,874 --> 00:17:56,473 I think you were right. 455 00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:58,442 - The hell I was. - What? 456 00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:00,911 Turns out they don't have purge insurance. 457 00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:02,709 You mess with my mailbox? Huh? 458 00:18:02,719 --> 00:18:04,982 It's Mommy's turn to play! 459 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,383 What? 460 00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:09,086 No, no, no! Not my Benz! 461 00:18:09,188 --> 00:18:10,287 Mischief night! 462 00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,971 I'm gonna kill you. 463 00:18:12,315 --> 00:18:13,857 Why didn't you stop me, Rainbow? 465 00:18:17,396 --> 00:18:18,495 Such a doormat. 466 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:21,832 Well, I told you a bunch of times this was crazy. 467 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,867 I said, "This is crazy." 468 00:18:28,758 --> 00:18:30,246 Hey, buddy. 469 00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:32,042 I know you been out here a while. 470 00:18:32,052 --> 00:18:34,044 You don't want to come inside and put on your costume? 471 00:18:34,054 --> 00:18:35,212 I tried. 472 00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:36,847 And I got it over one cast, 473 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,616 but I couldn't get it over the other cast. 474 00:18:40,307 --> 00:18:41,495 Son, I... 475 00:18:41,505 --> 00:18:43,720 I just want to say again that I'm sorry. 476 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,055 Are you, Dad? 477 00:18:45,157 --> 00:18:48,125 The doctor said my growth plates are gonna fuse all wrong. 478 00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,793 But you're probably happy 479 00:18:49,862 --> 00:18:52,095 because you'll be the only one able to reach all the bowls. 480 00:18:52,105 --> 00:18:54,826 - That's not what I want. - Yes, it is. 481 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,760 If you had it your way, I'd never grow up. 482 00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:01,102 I'd just be your punching bag for the rest of my life. 483 00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:03,913 No, son. 484 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,309 I love you. 485 00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:06,723 No, you don't. 486 00:19:06,952 --> 00:19:08,745 You're always trying to keep me down. 487 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,681 Just because I can do this! 488 00:19:12,718 --> 00:19:14,017 Ah! 489 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:17,254 Oh, WorldStar! 490 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:20,858 Yes! Special delivery of nuts to your face! 491 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,923 Boom shacka-lacka! 492 00:19:22,933 --> 00:19:25,529 Mom, this is supposed to be embarrassing for Dad. 493 00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:28,526 - Oh, got it. - What is happening right now? 494 00:19:28,536 --> 00:19:30,133 You've been pranked. 495 00:19:30,143 --> 00:19:32,803 I faked the whole thing... Like a genius. 496 00:19:36,066 --> 00:19:37,352 But how? 497 00:19:38,849 --> 00:19:41,041 I figured out Charlie wasn't really a ghost 498 00:19:41,051 --> 00:19:43,113 when I caught him eating a Luna bar. 499 00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:48,483 It was hard figuring out how to fall down the stairs. 500 00:19:48,493 --> 00:19:51,121 You can learn anything on the Internet. 501 00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:53,657 Then came Mom's part. 502 00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:55,659 So, I need three EMTs. 503 00:19:55,761 --> 00:19:57,203 - Make one of them a woman. - Uh-huh. 504 00:19:57,213 --> 00:19:58,639 I called in favors at work. 505 00:19:58,649 --> 00:20:00,115 I misused hospital resources. 506 00:20:00,217 --> 00:20:02,267 I had to pay people overtime. 507 00:20:02,277 --> 00:20:03,952 Mom, this is kind of my moment. 508 00:20:04,054 --> 00:20:05,712 Okay, okay, sorry. 509 00:20:05,722 --> 00:20:08,623 He's gonna feel like an idiot! 510 00:20:08,726 --> 00:20:09,858 He should, though. 511 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,727 Boy, you made me wash you. 512 00:20:13,464 --> 00:20:15,572 You got me, son. 513 00:20:15,582 --> 00:20:17,357 I'm so proud of you, man. 514 00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:18,500 You really got me. 515 00:20:18,510 --> 00:20:20,836 I think the prank prince has become the prank king. 516 00:20:20,938 --> 00:20:22,437 Oh, let's slow your roll. 517 00:20:22,539 --> 00:20:23,972 Oh. Let's not get crazy. 518 00:20:24,074 --> 00:20:25,340 Come on, let's go get changed. 519 00:20:26,068 --> 00:20:28,958 That did not go in. 520 00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:39,981 So it turns out when your son starts to surpass you, 521 00:20:39,991 --> 00:20:42,174 you don't have to fight it or lash out. 522 00:20:42,276 --> 00:20:44,243 There is one other option. 523 00:20:44,345 --> 00:20:48,814 You can embrace it, enjoy it, and use it to your advantage. 524 00:20:48,916 --> 00:20:51,150 Next year, we're gonna totally get your mother, right? 525 00:20:51,252 --> 00:20:52,851 Way ahead of you. 526 00:20:52,861 --> 00:20:55,554 A plan is already in motion. 527 00:20:58,761 --> 00:21:02,522 Synced and corrected by johnyd13 ~ www.addic7ed.com ~