1 00:00:00,030 --> 00:00:01,259 Back in the '90s, 2 00:00:01,260 --> 00:00:03,099 the Tonya Harding scandal shook the nation. 3 00:00:03,100 --> 00:00:04,139 Why? 4 00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:06,250 The idea that a top Olympic athlete 5 00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,730 could possibly be involved in an attack on her rival, 6 00:00:08,740 --> 00:00:11,440 Nancy Kerrigan, disappointed people of all ages. 7 00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,610 But no one more than this guy. 8 00:00:13,710 --> 00:00:15,949 Tonya Harding has broken our hearts. 9 00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:18,320 This whole sordid debacle shows us what happens 10 00:00:18,390 --> 00:00:21,190 when young people are raised without a moral compass. 11 00:00:21,260 --> 00:00:23,120 Okay, uh, thanks for sharing, Coach. 12 00:00:23,320 --> 00:00:26,630 And now for the reason that we're here for this assembly, 13 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,299 McGruff the Crime Dog! 14 00:00:28,300 --> 00:00:30,319 Okay, no, not yet! McGruff, hold on! 15 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:32,100 As of today, 16 00:00:32,170 --> 00:00:34,770 there will be a new zero-tolerance policy 17 00:00:34,780 --> 00:00:36,900 - on cheating at this school. - Oh. 18 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:37,999 Well, there's always been 19 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,739 a zero-tolerance policy. 20 00:00:39,740 --> 00:00:42,270 Uh, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to reiterate it. 21 00:00:42,340 --> 00:00:44,720 I will be conducting random locker searches 22 00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:47,930 to find any and all contraband used to game the system. 23 00:00:47,940 --> 00:00:49,650 No. 24 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,680 No. 25 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,110 Be warned, children. 26 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,260 From this point on, cheating is a serious crime. 27 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:58,030 Not yet, McGruff. 28 00:00:58,080 --> 00:00:59,520 Sorry. 29 00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:02,030 Who am I to snap at a canine officer of the law? 30 00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:04,350 Bring it in, poochie. 31 00:01:04,450 --> 00:01:05,780 Bring it in. 32 00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:15,740 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com -- 33 00:01:19,700 --> 00:01:22,100 It was January 30th, 1990-something, 34 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,170 and CB was giving William Penn's newest student 35 00:01:24,270 --> 00:01:25,330 a tour of the school. 36 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:27,400 And, of course, we have lots of lockers, 37 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:28,630 but you know the dealio. 38 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,610 You basically just put your stuff in 'em. 39 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,950 And our music teacher, Lainey Lewis. 40 00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,700 Lainey, meet Alex Piper. 41 00:01:34,710 --> 00:01:36,020 - Hey there, Alex. - Hey. 42 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,620 And that concludes today's tour. 43 00:01:37,650 --> 00:01:38,680 Okay. 44 00:01:38,780 --> 00:01:40,350 Oh. New kid. 45 00:01:40,450 --> 00:01:41,850 Just moved here from Pittsburgh. 46 00:01:41,950 --> 00:01:44,020 A little quiet, but I dig his vibe. 47 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,520 - He's a douche-turd. - Whoa. 48 00:01:45,550 --> 00:01:47,770 You can't label a kid a douche or a turd that swiftly. 49 00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:50,000 Perfect swooping hair, shark-tooth necklace, 50 00:01:50,010 --> 00:01:51,040 bad attitude. 51 00:01:51,050 --> 00:01:53,110 What you're describing is a cool kid. 52 00:01:53,210 --> 00:01:55,150 And I relate, 'cause that was me back in the day. 53 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:57,150 So I'm gonna go do my CB thang 54 00:01:57,170 --> 00:01:59,150 and make our new friend feel at ease. 55 00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:00,820 All right, I'm gonna go do my Lainey thang 56 00:02:00,920 --> 00:02:02,240 and pretend you didn't say "thang." 57 00:02:02,260 --> 00:02:03,820 Okay. 58 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,690 Have a great day. 59 00:02:05,790 --> 00:02:07,690 Good... 60 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,030 morning... 61 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:13,530 class. 62 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,200 A little "Ace Ventura" to welcome 63 00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:17,600 our new student here today. 64 00:02:17,650 --> 00:02:20,040 Hey. I'm, uh, Alex and stuff. 65 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,940 All righty then! 66 00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:25,480 I'm sorry. Have you not seen "Ace Ventura"? 67 00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:27,480 He's a pet detective, saved a dolphin. 68 00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:29,310 - It's very emotional. - No, I know the movie. 69 00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:32,320 Just didn't think anyone still thought it was cool. 70 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:35,120 Ooh, wow. 71 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:36,790 Well, you burned me. 72 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,650 Let's pick back up with our group reading 73 00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,060 of "The Great Gatsby." 74 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,800 You want to start us off, new guy? Page 68. 75 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,960 Um... 76 00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:47,470 You... You want me to read? 77 00:02:47,570 --> 00:02:49,070 Yeah. Is everything okay? 78 00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,070 I-I-I, um... I can't. 79 00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,740 What do you mean you can't? 80 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:53,840 I can't read, okay? 81 00:02:53,910 --> 00:02:55,140 Oh, wow. Okay. 82 00:02:55,180 --> 00:02:56,550 Um, I'm sorry, Alex. 83 00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:57,640 Uh, Tommy, do you want to... 84 00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,250 I guess I could give it a try. 85 00:03:00,350 --> 00:03:02,720 I mean, this really feels like a safe space. 86 00:03:02,780 --> 00:03:03,800 The safest, pal. 87 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,750 Um... 88 00:03:05,820 --> 00:03:07,850 You... 89 00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,420 are... 90 00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,430 a... tool. 91 00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:16,200 Oh. 92 00:03:16,260 --> 00:03:17,530 That's real funny. 93 00:03:17,570 --> 00:03:19,300 So you're just busting my balls, huh? 94 00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:21,000 You make it so easy. 95 00:03:21,070 --> 00:03:24,340 Guess we'll just continue with the class, then? 96 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,600 All righty then! 97 00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:29,680 All right. Please read to yourselves quietly. 98 00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:31,880 "Dear Burt Reynolds... " 99 00:03:31,910 --> 00:03:34,250 - You wanted to see me, John? - Oh, hey, Liz. 100 00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,550 Uh, a lot of the kids have been asking 101 00:03:35,580 --> 00:03:36,850 when you're gonna have your first meeting 102 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,850 for the Middle School Math team. 103 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,790 Ah, yes. The Math Olympiad. 104 00:03:40,860 --> 00:03:41,920 Thank you for checking in. 105 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,960 I'm not gonna do that ever again. 106 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:45,460 But you coach 'em every year! 107 00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,650 Yes, and every year, I watch them choke 108 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,530 and come in dead last. 109 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:52,130 I just can't watch those kids failing again, John. 110 00:03:52,170 --> 00:03:53,660 It makes me too emotional. 111 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:55,230 I'm sorry for that outburst. 112 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:56,620 - There was an outburst? - Cheaters! 113 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:57,840 I found cheaters! 114 00:03:57,910 --> 00:03:59,720 Just look at all the stuff I found in those lockers. 115 00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:01,510 I told you not to do that! 116 00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:04,140 But look! Crib sheets hidden inside of calc covers! 117 00:04:04,170 --> 00:04:06,680 Oh, boy. Second-floor lockers, west end of the hall? 118 00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:07,880 Yes. How'd you know? 119 00:04:07,950 --> 00:04:09,680 - That's the Mathletes. - Mathletes? 120 00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,450 See, they know they're gonna embarrass themselves, 121 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,790 and so they've decided to cheat to save face. 122 00:04:13,820 --> 00:04:17,090 Liz, please. You got to coach these kids at the Math Olympiad. 123 00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,900 - Coach? Olympiad? - No way. 124 00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:20,229 The chances of those kids winning 125 00:04:20,230 --> 00:04:22,560 are slimmer than Fiona Apple's right thigh. 126 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:24,260 - Find somebody else. - I'll do it. 127 00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:26,170 Who am I gonna find on such short notice? 128 00:04:26,230 --> 00:04:27,900 - I said I'll do it. - What about CB? 129 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,900 CB's already advising six clubs. 130 00:04:29,910 --> 00:04:32,200 Maybe I didn't project enough. I said I will coach 131 00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:34,340 this ragtag group of underdogs. 132 00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:36,210 Crosby? Doc? Karen Horikowa? 133 00:04:36,220 --> 00:04:39,010 Not available. Am I dead? Am I a ghost? 134 00:04:39,020 --> 00:04:40,210 I said I'll do it! 135 00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:41,680 We hear you, okay? 136 00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,620 And while I do appreciate your enthusiasm, 137 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:47,290 I'm gonna have to give you a hard but polite "no." 138 00:04:47,390 --> 00:04:49,420 - But why? - But why... 139 00:04:49,430 --> 00:04:51,190 Allow me. It's not personal, Rick. 140 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:53,100 It's just, uh, you teach gym, 141 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,200 which makes us think of you last when it comes to academics 142 00:04:56,260 --> 00:04:58,860 or anything other than helping us move. 143 00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:03,070 Ah, I see what this is. 144 00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:06,210 Johnny-boy's just testing me to see how badly I want this. 145 00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:08,540 Well, game on! 146 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,080 With that, Coach was all-in on the Math Olympiad. 147 00:05:12,110 --> 00:05:13,710 What are you doing? 148 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:15,480 I'm studying game tape of the Math Olympiad. 149 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:17,320 What? I gave you a hard "no." 150 00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,220 When it comes to teaching kids to be winners, 151 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:20,900 there is no difference between football, 152 00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,820 basketball, or math ball. 153 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:24,460 There's no such thing as math ball. 154 00:05:24,500 --> 00:05:26,730 These wonky-eyed Poindexters don't need to cheat. 155 00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:28,130 They just need confidence. 156 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:30,230 Please don't call them "wonky-eyed Poindexters." 157 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,600 And what they need to win is to know math. 158 00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:34,970 Wrong! Check out the playoff round against Episcopal. 159 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,440 - "X" equals 7. - These mouth-breathing goobers 160 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,200 just sat there scared and afraid. 161 00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,050 That's a highly advanced calc theorem, 162 00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,000 and don't call them "mouth-breathing goobers." 163 00:05:42,010 --> 00:05:44,180 Look, the point is, these bird-boned Melvins 164 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:45,980 know the math. I just need to teach 'em 165 00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:48,680 how to grasp victory in their talons. 166 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,750 "Bird-boned Melvins" is an offensive term 167 00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:52,990 both to Melvins and to thin-boned people. 168 00:05:53,050 --> 00:05:54,920 Please, John. Just give me a shot. 169 00:05:54,990 --> 00:05:56,720 - I can help them. - Fine. 170 00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:58,360 But just remember, if we come in last place 171 00:05:58,390 --> 00:06:00,630 for the fourth year in a row, we'll be the laughingstock 172 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,230 of bird-boned Melvins everywhere. 173 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:06,020 Coach had the Mathletes under control, 174 00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:09,500 but CB couldn't get a handle on the "new kid" situation. 175 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,470 - Sup. - Gah! 176 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:15,120 What are you doing lurking back here like some weirdo? 177 00:06:15,140 --> 00:06:16,810 Wait, are you hiding from the douche-turd? 178 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:17,910 No. 179 00:06:17,980 --> 00:06:21,000 And also, yes, I'm hiding, 'cause he's very mean. 180 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:22,380 Dude, you're scared of a student? 181 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:24,520 In just three days, he's taken over my class. 182 00:06:24,590 --> 00:06:25,950 The kids aren't listening to me anymore. 183 00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:27,190 They're not even laughing at my impressions. 184 00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,550 What happened to Mr. Cool Guy 185 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:29,590 who's great with the new students? 186 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,360 Some of them are a little bit more challenging. 187 00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,660 Why does he keep standing near my Jetta? 188 00:06:33,730 --> 00:06:35,590 I'm totally gonna be late for cribbage with my nana. 189 00:06:35,660 --> 00:06:37,140 Okay, cut the crap. What is going on? 190 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,499 I have a confession to make, 191 00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,770 and it's probably gonna blow your mind. 192 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,240 - Ooh. - In high school, 193 00:06:43,250 --> 00:06:45,640 I wasn't as cool as I led you to believe I was. 194 00:06:45,710 --> 00:06:47,610 In fact, I was a nerd. 195 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,710 - Sure. - Okay, you're not following. 196 00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:53,510 Back in the day, I wasn't as slick or cocky or awesome... 197 00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:54,550 No, that totally tracks. 198 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:55,610 You're not getting it. 199 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,080 I have to show you something. 200 00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:59,280 - Oh, God! - I told you. 201 00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:01,350 Oh, no. This is so much worse than I imagined. 202 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:02,790 Okay, well, it's not that bad. 203 00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:04,220 I-I'm looking at it. It is. 204 00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:05,590 I was just a boy. 205 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:07,249 I mean, what's with the lizard man on your shirt? 206 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:08,259 It's Gollum. 207 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,020 And did you not realize it was picture day? 208 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:11,100 I made it for picture day. 209 00:07:11,170 --> 00:07:13,970 Oh, dear sweet Lord. Klingon Language League. 210 00:07:14,670 --> 00:07:16,700 Dungeons & Dragons Wizard Society. 211 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,640 Okay, that was a fun club. 212 00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:20,310 What does any of this have to do with Alex? 213 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,070 Look, all I wanted back in high school 214 00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,840 was to be cool and popular, but I was a dweeb. 215 00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:28,250 And kids like Alex constantly tortured me. 216 00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,800 Wait, now it all makes sense. 217 00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,380 This job is like your high-school do-over. 218 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,320 - Okay, fine. - If I know anything, 219 00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,480 it's that you got to bring the hammer down on that turd. 220 00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,390 - Believe me. - Well, thanks for the advice, newbie, 221 00:07:37,420 --> 00:07:39,270 but you're talking to CB, the super teacher. 222 00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:42,130 All I got to do is win him over by being me. 223 00:07:42,230 --> 00:07:43,960 I'm good. 224 00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,900 Okay. He's in the hall. 225 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:48,970 You got to help me. 226 00:07:49,070 --> 00:07:50,870 This will be fun. 227 00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:52,840 Meanwhile, despite Glascott's doubts, 228 00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:54,719 Coach was ready to take on the Mathletes. 229 00:07:56,350 --> 00:07:58,840 Now, my first thought when I look at this group 230 00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:01,510 of bespectacled brainiacs is that you're a sad sight 231 00:08:01,570 --> 00:08:03,020 and you can never win anything. 232 00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:05,520 But I'm gonna change all that 233 00:08:05,620 --> 00:08:08,450 and lead you to glory in the Math Olympiad. 234 00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:10,660 Yes, son. What's your name? 235 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,020 Aaron Rubin, sir. 236 00:08:12,090 --> 00:08:14,330 And I think I speak for everyone when I say, 237 00:08:14,430 --> 00:08:15,730 what the is happening? 238 00:08:15,830 --> 00:08:18,900 What's happening is I am gonna coach you to victory. 239 00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:23,140 So let's all hydrate with some Fruitopia and get to work! 240 00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:25,170 I wonder what the ingredients are. 241 00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:26,279 Don't look at the ingredients! 242 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:28,660 Could it be that you printed out all the formulas 243 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,540 in tiny font and taped them right here? 244 00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:33,480 Yeah. That's right. 245 00:08:33,510 --> 00:08:35,580 I found your very brilliant cheating tools 246 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,020 that would have for-sure worked. 247 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:38,520 That's it. We're screwed. 248 00:08:38,550 --> 00:08:40,770 How is a gym coach gonna help us solve equations 249 00:08:40,790 --> 00:08:42,320 like the one that killed us last year? 250 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:46,220 Gym coach, huh? Is that all you think I am? 251 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,030 You nerds shouldn't judge people on first impressions. 252 00:08:49,130 --> 00:08:50,529 You literally just called us nerds. 253 00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,860 Pipe down. 254 00:08:51,970 --> 00:08:53,530 Now we're gonna warm up with some math push-ups 255 00:08:53,630 --> 00:08:54,870 and some math wind sprints. 256 00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:56,540 Then we'll take a math water break 257 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,380 before we run a math 5K. 258 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,370 You can't just put "math" in front of words and make it math. 259 00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:02,940 All right, laps, all three of you. 260 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:04,940 - Laps? - Around the desks. Now. 261 00:09:05,050 --> 00:09:06,110 - But... - Move it! 262 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,080 High knees! Run like an American! 263 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,510 CB hadn't figured out how to solve 264 00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:18,820 his problems with the new kid. 265 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,210 But I was about to reveal a secret 266 00:09:20,230 --> 00:09:21,440 that would give him all the answers. 267 00:09:21,460 --> 00:09:23,090 Okay, listen. 268 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:24,560 Now I have a huge confession to make 269 00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:26,200 that's gonna totally blow your mind. 270 00:09:26,220 --> 00:09:27,880 - Okay? - In high school, 271 00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,360 I was a douche-turd myself. 272 00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:30,880 - Sure. - You're not following. 273 00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:32,489 Back then, I wasn't sweet or friendly 274 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,119 or remotely kind to most people. 275 00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:36,340 - No, that totally tracks. - You still don't understand. 276 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,130 See, if I sensed any weakness in a teacher, 277 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,630 I'd have a field day. 278 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,470 That all ended when I finally came across a teacher 279 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:43,860 who shut me down. 280 00:09:43,930 --> 00:09:45,170 He taught me to respect him 281 00:09:45,230 --> 00:09:46,770 and to not act like such a douche-turd. 282 00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:48,170 Can you introduce me to him? 283 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,680 Don't have to. You already know him. 284 00:09:50,690 --> 00:09:51,700 Coach Mellor? 285 00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:54,570 Behind me stand your enemies from Episcopal. 286 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,350 Why are their faces pasted on those... things. 287 00:09:58,410 --> 00:10:01,620 These "things" are blocking sleds, 288 00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:03,050 and they represent the enemy. 289 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,050 If you can push through them, you can push through your fears. 290 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,520 Strong body, strong mind. 291 00:10:06,590 --> 00:10:08,620 Now step up and show Episcopal 292 00:10:08,630 --> 00:10:10,890 how this team takes out the competition. 293 00:10:10,930 --> 00:10:12,060 Attack! 294 00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,020 - Wow. - Oh. 295 00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,170 That's intense. 296 00:10:19,470 --> 00:10:21,430 My God, you kids are bad at math. 297 00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:24,040 See that? That is how you keep kids in line. 298 00:10:24,140 --> 00:10:26,110 But he's not funny or whimsical at all. 299 00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:28,010 How does he amuse children into learning? 300 00:10:28,110 --> 00:10:29,480 He doesn't. He takes charge 301 00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:31,440 and refuses to get pushed around by anyone, 302 00:10:31,510 --> 00:10:33,050 not even a douche-turd. 303 00:10:33,150 --> 00:10:35,220 - Do that. - All right. I'll do it. 304 00:10:35,350 --> 00:10:36,980 Got to get me some of them shorts. 305 00:10:36,990 --> 00:10:38,750 - You don't have to wear the shorts. - Right. 306 00:10:38,770 --> 00:10:41,350 It was game day, and the kids claimed to be ready. 307 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:42,820 But Coach was unconvinced. 308 00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:45,060 All right. Game day approaches. 309 00:10:45,100 --> 00:10:47,320 How are my math warriors feeling? 310 00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:48,360 Yeah! 311 00:10:48,370 --> 00:10:50,630 There's the killer confidence I've been trying to teach you. 312 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:51,780 You sure did, Coach. 313 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:53,230 We're positive we're gonna win today. 314 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:54,249 Attaboy. 315 00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,900 And what do you say we watch a little game tape 316 00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:58,440 and learn about the competition, huh? 317 00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,740 Oh, looks like some tiny masked man 318 00:11:00,810 --> 00:11:03,480 - smashed your opponents' calculators. - Why? Why? 319 00:11:03,610 --> 00:11:05,280 Why? 320 00:11:07,350 --> 00:11:09,650 Why? 321 00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:12,020 Why? 322 00:11:12,090 --> 00:11:13,490 After everything I taught you, 323 00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,860 you still go and Tonya Harding their calculators? 324 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,020 You didn't teach us anything! 325 00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,990 That's why we Tonya Harding'd the calculators, 326 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,530 so they'd forfeit and we could finally win. 327 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,000 Forfeit? It's a school. 328 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:25,370 They have giant boxes of calculators. 329 00:11:25,470 --> 00:11:26,520 - Really? - Yes! 330 00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:28,630 You know, for smart kids, you sure are dumb. 331 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:29,770 Hey, we panicked. 332 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:30,819 You've already established 333 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:32,120 we don't think well under pressure. 334 00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:34,409 You guys are lucky I smoothed this over with Episcopal, 335 00:11:34,410 --> 00:11:35,880 and they're gonna go ahead with the Olympiad. 336 00:11:35,940 --> 00:11:37,410 Wait. We still have to play them? 337 00:11:37,510 --> 00:11:38,750 Oh, yes. 338 00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:40,180 And mark my words. 339 00:11:40,250 --> 00:11:41,800 As long as I'm your coach, 340 00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,180 you will do things the right way. 341 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,300 Sorry, Rick. You're no longer the coach of the Mathletes. 342 00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:47,350 Liz is taking over. 343 00:11:47,420 --> 00:11:48,830 Oh, come on. 344 00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:51,290 We got parent complaints about your teaching methods, 345 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,830 which, in fairness, are completely insane. 346 00:11:59,740 --> 00:12:01,840 It's come to my attention that one of you has betrayed 347 00:12:01,870 --> 00:12:04,460 the sacred bond between coach and coachee 348 00:12:04,470 --> 00:12:06,170 by complaining to your mommy. 349 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,540 Who did it? 350 00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:10,040 Okay, I see what this is. 351 00:12:10,110 --> 00:12:12,480 Get rid of old Coach, and nobody stops you from cheating, huh? 352 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,250 We got rid of you so we can finally have 353 00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:15,580 a real math teacher. 354 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,050 Oh, snap. 355 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:19,220 Am I using that right? 356 00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:21,290 I see. 357 00:12:34,370 --> 00:12:36,119 Yeah, that's right. 358 00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,120 The dumb coach knows math. 359 00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:42,310 And so do all of you. You don't need to cheat. 360 00:12:42,410 --> 00:12:44,740 You just need a little confidence. 361 00:12:45,350 --> 00:12:49,180 Good luck on your Olympiad, Mathletes. 362 00:12:51,950 --> 00:12:54,050 Oh, snap! 363 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,090 Now that time, I nailed it. 364 00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,079 Okay. When you enter that classroom, 365 00:12:58,080 --> 00:12:59,259 you're no longer CB. 366 00:12:59,260 --> 00:13:01,550 You're Coach Mellor, the no-nonsense boss-man 367 00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:02,660 who's always in control. 368 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:04,260 Just a gym teacher, huh? 369 00:13:04,270 --> 00:13:05,730 How dare those kids? How dare they? 370 00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:07,330 What the... What's going on there, Rick? 371 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,870 Mathletes ganged up on me. 372 00:13:08,940 --> 00:13:10,100 It really hurt my feelings. 373 00:13:10,110 --> 00:13:11,330 After a lifetime of competition, 374 00:13:11,340 --> 00:13:13,270 it took six scrawny nerds to defeat me. 375 00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,439 I'm kind of working on something here, 376 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:15,910 and this vibe is throwing it way off. 377 00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:17,480 Understood. 378 00:13:17,550 --> 00:13:19,500 Okay. I'm starting to have second thoughts. 379 00:13:19,510 --> 00:13:21,210 No. No, forget sad, broken Mellor. 380 00:13:21,250 --> 00:13:22,750 Be regular Mellor, okay? 381 00:13:22,780 --> 00:13:24,720 Firm but fair, demand respect. 382 00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,349 Be in charge. 383 00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:27,590 Got it. 384 00:13:27,630 --> 00:13:28,820 Look alive, people. 385 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,920 Everybody break out your copies of "Animal Farm." 386 00:13:30,990 --> 00:13:33,190 You're about to get a crash course on the sham 387 00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:35,300 that is communism. 388 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,760 - Hmm. Sir, I have a question. - Say it, son. 389 00:13:37,870 --> 00:13:39,430 Is one of the animals a boar? 390 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,460 You know, 'cause that's what this is. It's a bore. 391 00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,170 All right, hotshot. 20 push-ups. On your knuckles. 392 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,640 Dude, you can't just blow a whistle at me 393 00:13:46,710 --> 00:13:47,910 in the middle of English class. 394 00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:49,140 Oh, I'll blow whenever I want. 395 00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,410 Oh, you got that part right. You do indeed blow. 396 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,220 Quiet, you unbearable douche-turd. 397 00:13:55,230 --> 00:13:56,250 Oh, no. He snapped. 398 00:13:56,350 --> 00:13:58,080 CB finally lost it. 399 00:13:58,150 --> 00:14:00,120 All the angry things that he dreamed of saying 400 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,420 to his high-school bullies, 401 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,390 things that built up inside him for years, 402 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,020 came roaring out. 403 00:14:05,090 --> 00:14:07,390 But unfortunately, in that short moment, 404 00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:10,530 he had forgotten that he was aiming all of it at a kid. 405 00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:13,900 People like you grow up to be nothing. 406 00:14:15,540 --> 00:14:17,000 I... Well, I-I... I... 407 00:14:17,070 --> 00:14:19,810 I don't... I didn't... I didn't mean... I... 408 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,480 While CB was failing with Alex, 409 00:14:24,550 --> 00:14:26,380 the Mathletes were just failing. 410 00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:28,780 What is the value of 8 to the "X" power 411 00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,450 over 2 to the "Y" power? 412 00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:32,450 Come on, Aaron. You know this. 413 00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,420 2 to the 11th power? 414 00:14:36,730 --> 00:14:38,490 Dangit. They're getting crushed again. 415 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,830 - This is hard to watch. - I told you it would be. 416 00:14:40,930 --> 00:14:42,830 Just another example of a woman's truth 417 00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:45,430 falling on a man's deaf ears. 418 00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:47,170 Maybe that's what I should title my book. 419 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:49,140 I know how to fix this. 420 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,270 Now remember, marginal efficiency 421 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,240 is the difference between a player's success rate 422 00:14:53,270 --> 00:14:56,040 and the expected success rate of each play, all right? 423 00:14:56,140 --> 00:14:57,180 Uh, excuse me, Rick? Can we, uh... 424 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,010 Not now. I'm coaching football. 425 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:00,980 Rick, we really need to talk. 426 00:15:01,050 --> 00:15:04,120 All right, you numbskulls, study those statistics. 427 00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:05,680 I'll be back. 428 00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,420 You're teaching the football team math? 429 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,260 These guys already have the killer instinct. 430 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:12,030 They just need to understand the game. 431 00:15:12,130 --> 00:15:14,010 Those nerds needed the opposite. 432 00:15:14,020 --> 00:15:16,160 Look, Coach, you got to make it to the Olympiad. 433 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,470 The team is even choking on questions they know. 434 00:15:18,530 --> 00:15:19,779 They're not my team anymore. 435 00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:21,439 Those kids think I'm a dummy. 436 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:22,450 And so do you. 437 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:23,800 I was wrong about you. 438 00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:25,670 Actually, you're not. 439 00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:28,140 In high school, I needed a certain GPA to play sports, 440 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:29,480 and I didn't think I was smart enough, 441 00:15:29,530 --> 00:15:32,650 so I cheated on my math exams. 442 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,880 I got caught, and I couldn't play for the whole semester. 443 00:15:34,930 --> 00:15:36,150 I had no idea. 444 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,150 I decided then and there that I wasn't gonna believe 445 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,490 what other people thought of me. 446 00:15:39,530 --> 00:15:40,700 I was gonna believe in myself. 447 00:15:40,710 --> 00:15:43,790 So I studied my butt off, and I became great at math. 448 00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:46,890 That's what you wanted to teach the kids... to believe. 449 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,730 Yeah, well, they didn't, not in themselves or in me. 450 00:15:50,830 --> 00:15:52,580 Look, Coach, I know you're hurt, 451 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,730 but you didn't give up on yourself. 452 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,900 And it'd be a damn shame to give up on these kids. 453 00:16:03,860 --> 00:16:05,440 Without Coach Mellor, the Mathletes 454 00:16:05,470 --> 00:16:07,020 were in desperate need of a pep talk. 455 00:16:07,030 --> 00:16:08,960 Liz, you're gonna have to fire these kids up. 456 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,420 You're their only chance. 457 00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:13,400 Okay. I can do this. 458 00:16:13,550 --> 00:16:15,450 Uh-huh. 459 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,960 Mathletes, I want you all to just take a moment and... 460 00:16:19,020 --> 00:16:21,140 and truly understand 461 00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:24,160 that I am currently in phase one of a panic attack. 462 00:16:24,260 --> 00:16:26,300 I desperately tried to avoid 463 00:16:26,370 --> 00:16:30,320 being in this high-intensity situation as your math coach, 464 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:33,100 'cause you're all incredibly fragile children 465 00:16:33,130 --> 00:16:34,870 who I feared would, once again, 466 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:36,519 get their asses handed to them 467 00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,350 in a very public competition. 468 00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,210 Once again, I have failed you. 469 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,150 But good luck out there. 470 00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,710 I'm sorry. 471 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:47,559 Coach! 472 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,660 You almost hit Liz with that garbage pail. 473 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:51,360 Because I'm fired up, 474 00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:53,760 and it's time my team gets fired up, too! 475 00:16:53,780 --> 00:16:56,099 Look, I'm sorry it took me so long 476 00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,640 to come back when you needed me. 477 00:16:57,710 --> 00:17:00,880 The truth is, I was hurt. I felt like you judged me. 478 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,320 But you called us a bunch of dweebs and dorks. 479 00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:05,120 Because you are. 480 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:08,260 But... you're also champions. 481 00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:11,460 I don't understand, Coach. We were so crappy to you. 482 00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:13,060 Why'd you come back here to help us? 483 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,160 Well, maybe because we're more alike than you realize. 484 00:17:16,270 --> 00:17:17,800 Now let's get out there 485 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,830 and kick the snot out of those Episcopalians. 486 00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:21,940 - Yeah! - Yeah! 487 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,240 - Yeah! - Yeah! 488 00:17:23,340 --> 00:17:25,210 Come on! Let's go! 489 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,570 Yeah! 490 00:17:29,550 --> 00:17:31,980 - Hey. You all right? - No. 491 00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,470 I mean, look at the kid. I broke him. 492 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,039 Yeah. I kind of feel like a small part of this is my fault 493 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:37,280 for pushing you to be a Mellor. 494 00:17:37,350 --> 00:17:40,790 It kind of feels like it's largely your fault, but sure. 495 00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,690 Here. I want to show you something. 496 00:17:43,790 --> 00:17:45,090 It's my 8th grade yearbook. 497 00:17:45,130 --> 00:17:46,140 Coming in hot. 498 00:17:47,170 --> 00:17:49,660 - Whoa, now. - I know. And it gets worse. 499 00:17:51,230 --> 00:17:52,480 Donnie Wahlberg Club? 500 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:55,070 Kind of went through a New Kids phase with my best friend. 501 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,600 We got teased and mocked. 502 00:17:56,630 --> 00:17:58,440 But then, going into high school, 503 00:17:58,510 --> 00:18:00,870 Erica and I decided to totally reinvent ourselves. 504 00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:04,340 So she bailed on all her smart classes, I got us makeovers... 505 00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,180 And you were those girls who came in freshman year 506 00:18:06,210 --> 00:18:07,380 cool and popular. 507 00:18:07,430 --> 00:18:09,480 - Yeah. We were douche-turds. - Hmm. 508 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:11,660 Look, I'm not proud of who I was in high school, okay? 509 00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,220 But who is? 510 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,550 So... becoming a teacher 511 00:18:14,620 --> 00:18:16,920 is kind of like a do-over for you, too, huh? 512 00:18:16,990 --> 00:18:18,440 Maybe it's a chance for me to stop worrying 513 00:18:18,460 --> 00:18:20,660 about how people see me. 514 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:22,760 Maybe it's a chance for me to just be myself. 515 00:18:22,830 --> 00:18:23,969 Does that mean you're gonna start wearing 516 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,030 New Kids gear again? 517 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,000 I will if you go show that kid the kind of person 518 00:18:27,030 --> 00:18:28,270 you really are. 519 00:18:28,370 --> 00:18:29,380 Okay. 520 00:18:31,070 --> 00:18:32,610 Sup. 521 00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:33,910 Go away. 522 00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:35,880 Listen. 523 00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:39,650 I'm really sorry for losing it yesterday. 524 00:18:39,660 --> 00:18:42,420 You see, people used to pick on me in high school, 525 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,650 and I took it all out on you. 526 00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,090 Yeah, but you're right. I suck. 527 00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:47,790 What do you mean? 528 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,480 So I went to this huge public school in Pittsburgh. 529 00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:55,160 And I was so lost there. People didn't even know my name. 530 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,930 So when I moved here... 531 00:18:57,950 --> 00:18:59,900 I thought maybe I could just be someone new. 532 00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:04,340 Maybe you just got to work on being more yourself. 533 00:19:04,410 --> 00:19:06,440 Dude, I don't even know what that means. 534 00:19:06,510 --> 00:19:08,710 Well, it's my job to help you figure it out. 535 00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:16,450 Growing up, we're so worried about how people see us 536 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:18,420 that we can lose sight of who we truly are. 537 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:21,660 If you judge someone before you know 'em, 538 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,020 you may never see what they're truly capable of. 539 00:19:24,090 --> 00:19:26,130 The radius of the second circle 540 00:19:26,140 --> 00:19:27,679 is 1 over 2 times pi squared. 541 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,759 Correct! 542 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,320 William Penn Academy wins! 543 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:31,630 - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah! 544 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:34,400 - Yes! Whoo! - All right! Oh, snap! 545 00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,400 Hey, that's my catchphrase. 546 00:19:36,470 --> 00:19:39,000 And who knows? The person you judge most 547 00:19:39,020 --> 00:19:41,310 could even wind up being your biggest inspiration. 548 00:19:43,030 --> 00:19:46,150 The truth is, none of us are defined by just one thing. 549 00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,280 We can be both a nerd and an athlete, 550 00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:51,980 or a jock and a math whiz. 551 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:55,990 Or even a cool teacher and a secret geek. 552 00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:17,240 Hello, guys. My name is Brett Dier, 553 00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:19,040 and I'm sitting here with Alex Piper. 554 00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:20,740 So, Alex, what was it like being the new kid? 555 00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:22,950 It's always tough being the new kid because you get there 556 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,559 and everyone already has their friendships. 557 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:25,569 It was just a challenge. 558 00:20:25,570 --> 00:20:27,160 You make fun of the teacher, everybody loves you. 559 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,829 That's a good strategy. 560 00:20:28,830 --> 00:20:29,859 What kind of stuff did you do? 561 00:20:29,860 --> 00:20:31,200 There was one teacher who, 562 00:20:31,270 --> 00:20:32,889 in her classroom, I would just bark. 563 00:20:32,890 --> 00:20:33,899 Like a dog? 564 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,769 She never quite figured out that it was me. 565 00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:37,499 She thought someone had a pet dog in the class. 566 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:38,509 Possibly. 567 00:20:38,510 --> 00:20:39,700 I can do a Chihuahua. Ready? 568 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,589 So if you could go back and talk to your younger self, 569 00:20:43,590 --> 00:20:45,859 would you be like, "Hey, dude, stop being a douche-turd"? 570 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:48,639 I would tell myself to stop trying so hard. 571 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:50,019 What were your thoughts on CB? 572 00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:52,200 He seemed to be on the side of the student. 573 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,320 You felt like you just wanted this guy to be your friend. 574 00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:57,139 He was the cool teacher, so you felt like you were 575 00:20:57,140 --> 00:20:58,999 a little bit cooler if he paid attention to you. 576 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,530 That's badass. 577 00:21:00,540 --> 00:21:03,820 - Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --