1 00:00:01,549 --> 00:00:05,922 Hm. Hey man. I found a hornet's nest in the backyard. 2 00:00:06,023 --> 00:00:08,024 I was gonna go swing a stick at it and then run for my life. 3 00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:10,760 - You wanna join? - Yeah. Yeah. 4 00:00:11,266 --> 00:00:12,829 OK. Normal answer. What you got here? 5 00:00:12,930 --> 00:00:15,932 It's a letter from a literary magazine I submitted to. 6 00:00:16,033 --> 00:00:18,835 - Good news? - I haven't opened it yet. 7 00:00:18,936 --> 00:00:20,937 - What are you waiting for? - I'm just a little nervous, 'cause... 8 00:00:21,038 --> 00:00:22,285 - Give me this! - Oh! Mark, Mark, Mark... Mark! 9 00:00:22,374 --> 00:00:27,744 - I am going to read it. That's what I'm here for! - Yeah, but what if it's bad? 10 00:00:27,845 --> 00:00:30,913 - What if it's bad? What if it's good? Hm? - Yeah. 11 00:00:31,015 --> 00:00:33,583 For all you know, Andrew, they gave you the centerfold of the damn thing. 12 00:00:33,684 --> 00:00:36,953 - Literary magazines don't have centerfolds. - They don't? They should. 13 00:00:37,054 --> 00:00:39,789 Here we go. "Dear Mr. Tennesen." 14 00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:42,392 - That's a good start! That's a good start. - Not bad, not bad. 15 00:00:42,493 --> 00:00:45,528 "We are writing regarding your short story, A Tall Drink Of Winter... 16 00:00:47,768 --> 00:00:49,599 "We feel, given your numerous past submissions, 17 00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,601 a detailed response is only fitting." 18 00:00:51,702 --> 00:00:53,803 How many times have you submitted to these guys? 19 00:00:53,904 --> 00:00:57,173 - Thirty. Keep going. - Alright. "You have achieved something very rare 20 00:00:57,274 --> 00:01:00,677 "with your latest story in that it manages to be both 21 00:01:00,778 --> 00:01:04,113 technically inept and artistically worthless." 22 00:01:04,214 --> 00:01:06,416 - Yeah, alright! - Alright, let's just... 23 00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:08,651 "That you achieve both with your weak chinned prose... 24 00:01:08,752 --> 00:01:10,787 - is no small feat of ineptitude." - Mark, can you just... 25 00:01:10,888 --> 00:01:13,122 - Just give it to me! - "Weak chinned prose." Hold on! There's way more! 26 00:01:18,670 --> 00:01:21,217 Thank you for saving my son, Travel Dog. 27 00:01:21,252 --> 00:01:23,450 - And good luck to ye... - What is this? 28 00:01:23,485 --> 00:01:24,767 Is this The Littlest Hobo? 29 00:01:24,868 --> 00:01:26,769 Travel Dog. It's like The Littlest Hobo 30 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:28,771 except the dog in this one isn't neutered. 31 00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:30,712 OK. Yeah. Yeah. I see that now. 32 00:01:30,775 --> 00:01:33,109 He is really going to town, there. 33 00:01:33,210 --> 00:01:35,645 Great. Yikes. OK, Andy, 34 00:01:35,746 --> 00:01:37,780 come on, pal. Let's go outside. Let's go have some fun. 35 00:01:37,881 --> 00:01:39,782 - What is "fun"? - Alright. Look at me. 36 00:01:39,883 --> 00:01:41,918 Look at me! Hey! Up here! 37 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:45,221 There is a little saying I like to quote when I get knocked down 38 00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:47,457 and it goes like this: "I get knocked down, 39 00:01:47,558 --> 00:01:49,592 "but... I get up again 40 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,794 'cause you are never gonna keep me down." 41 00:01:52,741 --> 00:01:53,996 You know who said that, Andy? 42 00:01:54,932 --> 00:01:56,899 - Chumbawamba? - Chumbawamba. 43 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,268 In their 1997 opus, Tubthumping. 44 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,237 A song about a young, presumably 45 00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,606 Irish lad named "Dany Boy", who always got up 46 00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,208 after he'd been knocked down. 47 00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:08,625 Now that's what we're gonna do, Andy. So let's get on our feet! 48 00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:11,080 - Let's get up again! Come on! - No. 49 00:02:11,181 --> 00:02:13,483 Respect my boundaries, Mark! 50 00:02:13,584 --> 00:02:15,918 Respect your brother's boundaries, Marky. 51 00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:18,254 - Fine... - Is everything okay? 52 00:02:18,355 --> 00:02:20,089 Yeah. Andy's just being a mopey piece of crap 53 00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:22,392 because his stupid short story got rejected by some magazine. 54 00:02:22,493 --> 00:02:27,063 Oh! Well, there are two ways of dealing with rejection. 55 00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:29,832 You can either sit and mope about it all day 'til your soul 56 00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:32,235 shrivels inside you like an old dead shrub, 57 00:02:32,336 --> 00:02:36,305 or... or you can kill yourself! 58 00:02:36,407 --> 00:02:38,040 That's it? Those are my two options? 59 00:02:38,142 --> 00:02:40,510 I always think a support system is very important. 60 00:02:40,611 --> 00:02:43,179 I mean that's what I get from my coven. 61 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:46,182 - I think we should get these goodies back. - Ruth, before you leave, 62 00:02:46,283 --> 00:02:49,720 I heard the word coven. What about some elaboration on that if possible? 63 00:02:49,755 --> 00:02:53,055 It's nothing too exciting. It's just a 200-year-old 64 00:02:53,157 --> 00:02:57,260 pagan society that gets together in their various moon phases 65 00:02:57,361 --> 00:02:59,780 to spend quality time together. 66 00:02:59,815 --> 00:03:02,432 - Bryn's a part of it. - I blow the horn. 67 00:03:02,533 --> 00:03:04,667 Yeah. The summoning horn. 68 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,737 Actually, tonight is her monthly esbat. 69 00:03:07,838 --> 00:03:09,672 That's witch speak for meeting. 70 00:03:09,773 --> 00:03:12,750 You're more than welcome to join us. Might make you feel better. 71 00:03:12,785 --> 00:03:14,444 Oh. Thank you, Ruth, but I think I'm just gonna 72 00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:16,601 - stay and watch... - Now, that, that sounds wonderful, Ruth. 73 00:03:16,648 --> 00:03:20,583 - We will absolutely be there. - That's the spirit, boys! 74 00:03:20,684 --> 00:03:23,352 Ah! Look! Travel Dog! 75 00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,890 I used to love this! Did you know 76 00:03:27,991 --> 00:03:30,092 this holds the record for the most dog pregnancies 77 00:03:30,194 --> 00:03:33,896 - ever on set? - Oh! That is fun! 78 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,801 - Bad dog! Bad! - This is great. 79 00:03:38,902 --> 00:03:42,004 Man, this town is light on appropriate witch wear. 80 00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:44,373 What about this? This is too sexy, right? 81 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,576 You are not gonna fit in that. Looks like an IUD. 82 00:03:46,677 --> 00:03:49,231 - I'll make it work. - Why are we doing this? 83 00:03:49,266 --> 00:03:50,613 - Doing what? - Hanging out with a bunch 84 00:03:50,714 --> 00:03:53,049 of middle-aged women pretending to be witches? 85 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,917 Are you kidding me, Andy? This is gonna be awesome! 86 00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:57,687 How often do you get invited to be part of a coven? 87 00:03:57,788 --> 00:04:00,022 Oh man, we get to slit our palms into a goblet 88 00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,058 and make a wish for what we truly want to Manon! 89 00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:04,660 What would you wish for, Andy, from Manon? 90 00:04:04,761 --> 00:04:06,529 - Who's Manon? - Who's Manon! 91 00:04:06,630 --> 00:04:08,531 Manon is the force that controls all things 92 00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:11,067 in at least one teen witch movie. 93 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,169 We have to be careful, because he will take your peer group 94 00:04:13,270 --> 00:04:15,304 and split it apart faster then you can... Yo! 95 00:04:15,405 --> 00:04:17,306 Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Shut up for a second. 96 00:04:17,407 --> 00:04:20,977 - You were talking. - The hell is that? 97 00:04:20,978 --> 00:04:21,978 _ 98 00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:28,303 Woah! 99 00:04:28,463 --> 00:04:31,153 Oh! Where the hell did this place come from? 100 00:04:32,286 --> 00:04:35,725 Some say it appeared out of nowhere one night. 101 00:04:38,474 --> 00:04:40,997 Others say that we obtained all the necessary permits 102 00:04:41,098 --> 00:04:43,499 and opened 2 weeks after some quick renos. 103 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:46,035 It used to be a Marvellous Muffins. How may I help you? 104 00:04:46,136 --> 00:04:48,893 Well, we were recently invited to join a coven 105 00:04:48,928 --> 00:04:52,675 and we were hoping to get something to wear for our first "esbat". 106 00:04:52,776 --> 00:04:55,745 Oh... May I interest you in robes? 107 00:04:55,846 --> 00:04:59,448 - Oh, hell yeah! Now we're talking! - We have many options. 108 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,884 Full floor length for the traditional witch. 109 00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:05,855 Knee length for the naughty witch. And sheer 110 00:05:05,956 --> 00:05:09,659 for the witch who's looking to turn up and horn down. 111 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:13,195 I think traditional sounds good, unless... Andy? 112 00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:15,131 Are you looking to turn up and horn down? 113 00:05:15,232 --> 00:05:17,567 - Traditional's fine. - Traditional then. 114 00:05:17,668 --> 00:05:19,802 - Would you like them wrapped? - No, that's okay. We'll just wear them on outta here. 115 00:05:19,903 --> 00:05:23,339 I do have a question about this curtain behind you. Seems to be housing 116 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:27,376 something rather fun. Any chance I could snag a peek back there? 117 00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:30,146 The things contained in that room are not for the casual consumers. 118 00:05:30,247 --> 00:05:33,449 Therein lies a darkness you could not possibly understand, 119 00:05:33,550 --> 00:05:37,053 you who appear to have known no true suffering. 120 00:05:37,154 --> 00:05:39,155 Oh yeah. You know what? That is true. 121 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:42,224 You, on the other hand, 122 00:05:42,326 --> 00:05:44,694 you are more than ready to see what lies therein. 123 00:05:45,490 --> 00:05:49,031 It's clear you've suffered much during your... 124 00:05:49,132 --> 00:05:51,267 I'm gonna say 45 years on this Earth. 125 00:05:51,368 --> 00:05:55,237 I'm 34! And I don't wanna see what's in your stupid room. 126 00:05:55,339 --> 00:05:56,939 - Suit yourself. - But take them off! 127 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,909 Were you boys looking to pay cash... 128 00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:03,713 ...or credit? 129 00:06:07,385 --> 00:06:08,417 I knew we shouldn't have worn these. 130 00:06:08,518 --> 00:06:10,453 - No one else is dressed up. - We look good, man! 131 00:06:10,554 --> 00:06:12,455 You look good, I look amazing! 132 00:06:12,556 --> 00:06:14,957 - You look like a porno wizard. - Yeah. Like I said, 133 00:06:15,058 --> 00:06:17,059 I look amazing. Anyway, don't worry. 134 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,730 This is all just preamble. Things are gonna get real weird 135 00:06:20,831 --> 00:06:23,633 - before long. - OK, 136 00:06:23,734 --> 00:06:26,335 everybody! Thanks for coming to the esbat! 137 00:06:26,436 --> 00:06:29,972 Let's get this thing formally started. Bryn, sweetie, 138 00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:32,241 want to skronk your horn? 139 00:06:37,648 --> 00:06:41,550 Terrific. Bring forth the quilt! 140 00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:43,686 Hey! What's gonna happen with this guy later? 141 00:06:43,787 --> 00:06:46,989 Are we gonna sacrifice him or sacrifice something to him? 142 00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:50,026 Oh no. Monty is my emotional support snake. 143 00:06:50,127 --> 00:06:53,462 Having him nearby helps me with my anxiety. 144 00:06:55,299 --> 00:06:56,098 OK. 145 00:06:56,199 --> 00:06:59,001 That... That sucks. 146 00:06:59,102 --> 00:07:01,237 A little bit of housekeeping. It's solstice this weekend. 147 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:04,540 So we will be adding a new panel. 148 00:07:04,641 --> 00:07:07,910 Also it's a potluck so this time, let's coordinate so we don't all bring deserts again. 149 00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:10,179 Thank you, ladies. Thank you. 150 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:14,183 Now, it's my favourite part of the night. 151 00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:17,119 I'd like to introduce one of the newest members of our group, 152 00:07:17,220 --> 00:07:20,690 Andy Tennesen, to come up and open our sharing circle 153 00:07:20,791 --> 00:07:23,559 with a few words about what it was that brought him 154 00:07:23,660 --> 00:07:25,461 here, tonight. Andy! 155 00:07:25,562 --> 00:07:27,697 - I'm OK. Thanks. I'm alright. - I'll speak, Ruth, 156 00:07:27,798 --> 00:07:29,699 if you want me to say some kinda dark weird stuff. 157 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,667 Oh no! I'd like to hear Andy. 158 00:07:31,768 --> 00:07:34,470 Come on, Andy. Give it a chance. Might make you feel better. 159 00:07:34,571 --> 00:07:38,074 - Attaboy. - Alright. 160 00:07:39,764 --> 00:07:42,144 I'm not usually... 161 00:07:42,245 --> 00:07:46,415 one to talk about myself but I guess I'll give it a try. 162 00:07:46,516 --> 00:07:50,219 Ooh! It's been a rough day. Um... 163 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,822 Actually, it's been a rough couple of years. 164 00:07:54,172 --> 00:07:57,026 I'm trying to be a writer; 165 00:07:57,127 --> 00:07:59,628 but it seems like with every new rejection, 166 00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:02,665 it's more and more of a pipe dream. 167 00:08:06,536 --> 00:08:10,639 I had so much to say. I just feel like 168 00:08:10,741 --> 00:08:14,877 the world doesn't wanna listen sometimes. 169 00:08:14,978 --> 00:08:17,913 - I'm sorry. I'm sorry. - It's alright. 170 00:08:18,014 --> 00:08:20,649 - I'm sorry. - It's alright. Just let it out! 171 00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:23,119 - I'm sorry... - Let it out! 172 00:08:26,723 --> 00:08:29,725 Oh, God, this feels so good. Oh, my God... 173 00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,663 How is this for a new vibe? 174 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:35,839 You guys into this? 175 00:08:37,634 --> 00:08:40,469 Cut our hands open for Manon, hey? 176 00:08:40,570 --> 00:08:41,713 Manon! 177 00:08:51,219 --> 00:08:52,588 - What you got there? - Oh! 178 00:08:52,689 --> 00:08:55,290 Just making a little list of... Well, have a seat. Have a seat. 179 00:08:55,392 --> 00:08:57,726 - I wanna run some stuff by you. - OK. 180 00:08:57,827 --> 00:08:59,762 So last night, huh! Oof! 181 00:08:59,863 --> 00:09:02,064 - What do you mean? - Just the whole vibe, you know. 182 00:09:02,165 --> 00:09:05,434 Hanging out, hugging, eating cheese. Am I the only one who searched witchcraft? Hello? 183 00:09:05,535 --> 00:09:07,603 So I compiled a bit of a list of things 184 00:09:07,704 --> 00:09:09,638 that I was going to propose at the next meeting, 185 00:09:09,739 --> 00:09:13,175 just to see if we could all move towards a more "coveney" direction 186 00:09:13,276 --> 00:09:16,478 in the future, so... number 1, and this one seems obvious: more spells. 187 00:09:16,579 --> 00:09:18,347 - Any spells, really. - Yeah... 188 00:09:18,448 --> 00:09:20,616 Number 2, movie night. Blair Witch, Witches of Eastwick... 189 00:09:20,717 --> 00:09:24,321 If it's got witch in the title, it's probably gonna take us in the right direction. 190 00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:26,355 - Number 3... - I don't know, Mark. 191 00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:28,791 They've been running this whole thing for 200 years. 192 00:09:28,892 --> 00:09:31,427 - Everyone seems happy. - Yes, but is the point 193 00:09:31,528 --> 00:09:34,163 of a coven to be happy? That's sort of a bigger picture question. Where are you headed? 194 00:09:34,264 --> 00:09:37,232 Oh, I'm actually headed to hang out with some of the people from the coven. 195 00:09:37,333 --> 00:09:39,168 Oh! Great! We can talk about these things there. 196 00:09:39,269 --> 00:09:41,170 Oh! Ah... 197 00:09:41,271 --> 00:09:43,539 They specifically asked for me not to bring you. 198 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:45,841 You kind of gave off a bit of a weird vibe last night. 199 00:09:47,158 --> 00:09:48,177 - What? - Well, 200 00:09:48,278 --> 00:09:51,180 you asked to sacrifice Deb's snake. That's her pet. 201 00:09:51,281 --> 00:09:53,882 It's a snake in a coven, Andy. I mean, come on! 202 00:09:53,983 --> 00:09:55,784 It's like bringing... 203 00:09:55,885 --> 00:09:59,788 regular tea to an iced-tea... convention. 204 00:10:00,758 --> 00:10:02,791 At a certain point, that tea is getting iced. 205 00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:05,727 OK. It's not a perfect... metaphor. 206 00:10:05,829 --> 00:10:07,729 But I'm sorry. I'm feeling flustered 207 00:10:07,831 --> 00:10:09,665 and a bit off my game. I am like a guy who's... 208 00:10:11,048 --> 00:10:12,801 normally on his game but... 209 00:10:12,902 --> 00:10:15,204 F... me! Goddammit! This is hard! 210 00:10:15,305 --> 00:10:16,939 Mark, Mark, Mark! It's okay! 211 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,274 Look, it's just a little rejection. 212 00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:21,143 And, um... How do I put this? 213 00:10:21,244 --> 00:10:23,212 What do you do when you get knocked down? 214 00:10:24,808 --> 00:10:25,914 You get back up again. 215 00:10:27,517 --> 00:10:28,872 You mother... 216 00:10:28,873 --> 00:10:29,973 - Dany Boy! - Oh, motherf...! 217 00:10:30,053 --> 00:10:32,955 But you are my favourite child. 218 00:10:33,056 --> 00:10:34,957 - Hey, man! - Hey! 219 00:10:35,058 --> 00:10:37,359 I'd like to return these robes if I could. 220 00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:40,195 Oh, the black underwear is final sale. 221 00:10:40,296 --> 00:10:42,231 I can only take the robes if they are... unblooded. 222 00:10:42,332 --> 00:10:45,901 - Well, no worries there, man. - Or any other fluids? 223 00:10:47,208 --> 00:10:49,404 You don't have to worry about anything. I promise you. 224 00:10:49,506 --> 00:10:52,174 OK, just... I've had people trying to return these robes 225 00:10:52,275 --> 00:10:54,510 - in the past, and... wasn't cool! - Right. 226 00:10:54,611 --> 00:10:58,847 Let's just say after Eyes Wide Shut, everything changed. 227 00:10:58,948 --> 00:11:01,316 Uh-huh. Yeah. Well, these are clean robes. I promise you. 228 00:11:01,417 --> 00:11:03,285 So... no need to worry. 229 00:11:03,386 --> 00:11:06,722 Just to be a 100% clear, I'm talking about semen. 230 00:11:06,823 --> 00:11:08,857 I know exactly what you are talking about. 231 00:11:08,958 --> 00:11:10,213 - OK. Just have to check. - Yeah. 232 00:11:10,214 --> 00:11:11,514 You look different today. 233 00:11:11,995 --> 00:11:14,863 Tasted darkness? Perhaps rejection? 234 00:11:14,964 --> 00:11:17,099 Hmm-hm. Yeah. Yeah, you could say that again. 235 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,135 Perhaps you are ready to see what's behind the blue curtain. 236 00:11:21,451 --> 00:11:22,337 But know this: 237 00:11:23,921 --> 00:11:25,874 for all that cross this threshold, 238 00:11:25,975 --> 00:11:28,343 they must be prepared to walk the left-hand path. 239 00:11:32,782 --> 00:11:36,018 Welcome to my unholy sanctum. 240 00:11:36,119 --> 00:11:41,123 As you can see, we have a wide selection of spells, tomes, and... 241 00:11:41,834 --> 00:11:43,449 some light pornography. 242 00:11:43,484 --> 00:11:45,027 Oh, that's cool, man. Thanks. 243 00:11:45,128 --> 00:11:48,077 Naked for Satan. The Blackened Tryst... 244 00:11:48,572 --> 00:11:50,140 - Ass 5... - Yeah, no. 245 00:11:50,175 --> 00:11:51,567 I'm not super into that, 246 00:11:51,668 --> 00:11:53,569 - but thank you so much. - OK! 247 00:11:53,670 --> 00:11:56,638 But if I may say, if you were put off by Ass 4, 248 00:11:56,739 --> 00:11:58,607 Ass 5 puts the franchise 249 00:11:58,708 --> 00:12:02,611 - right back on track. - Not super familiar with the franchise. 250 00:12:02,712 --> 00:12:04,980 You were saying something about a left-hand path? 251 00:12:05,081 --> 00:12:07,816 It is a rejection of a society 252 00:12:07,917 --> 00:12:11,561 whose values reject you and it can all be found... 253 00:12:11,596 --> 00:12:15,157 - here! - Oh! Hell yeah! 254 00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:20,929 You know, I think it's time Cavendish got itself... 255 00:12:21,757 --> 00:12:23,732 a real coven. 256 00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:31,840 OK, OK, I'll read something! 257 00:12:32,976 --> 00:12:35,944 Oh! It's supposed to be read with an Irish brogue, so... 258 00:12:36,837 --> 00:12:40,891 Pot of gold. Pot of gold. Daniel Day Lewis. 259 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,322 OK, I got it. OK. 260 00:12:45,521 --> 00:12:48,857 "Slade knelt by the unfrozen pond. 261 00:12:49,649 --> 00:12:53,428 "The water looked good. Pure. Wet. 262 00:12:54,373 --> 00:12:55,964 "He tasted it. 263 00:12:56,065 --> 00:12:58,900 "Felt its cool wetness slide into him. 264 00:12:59,002 --> 00:13:01,970 "Surely many have drunk this frigid draught, he thought. 265 00:13:02,071 --> 00:13:04,206 "This gelid moist. 266 00:13:04,307 --> 00:13:06,875 "Water. Water. 267 00:13:08,063 --> 00:13:10,646 "Father. 268 00:13:10,747 --> 00:13:13,448 My God." 269 00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:17,719 Oh, my goodness. That was wonderful. 270 00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:20,222 And that word you used... 271 00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:22,591 "Gelid"? What does that mean? 272 00:13:23,952 --> 00:13:24,693 Uh... 273 00:13:24,794 --> 00:13:27,796 It's... it's kind of a word that's hard to define, 274 00:13:27,897 --> 00:13:31,433 but I-I definitely know how to use it in a sentence. 275 00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:33,368 Just to put this out there. 276 00:13:33,469 --> 00:13:36,371 Maybe you could write us an opening invocation 277 00:13:36,472 --> 00:13:38,240 for the Solstice Weaving this weekend, 278 00:13:38,341 --> 00:13:40,042 something that you could read to the town? 279 00:13:42,011 --> 00:13:43,011 I would love to! 280 00:13:44,914 --> 00:13:48,350 Thank you! That's fantastic! 281 00:13:48,451 --> 00:13:51,687 Oh! I kind of feel like a cool wetness is sliding into me! 282 00:13:54,490 --> 00:13:57,559 "Baphomet, Amon, Moloch and Baal, 283 00:13:57,660 --> 00:14:00,495 "Lords of Darkness look upon us this night with hungry eyes 284 00:14:00,596 --> 00:14:03,632 "and angry bones. 285 00:14:03,733 --> 00:14:07,569 We besiege thee." And thee, and thee, and thee. 286 00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:09,471 Thank you for being here, everyone. 287 00:14:09,572 --> 00:14:11,406 Thank you so much. Bryn, thank you 288 00:14:11,507 --> 00:14:13,408 - for crossing over. - I was promised a bigger horn. 289 00:14:13,509 --> 00:14:17,112 And you shall receive your bigger horn. Now. Uh, yeah. 290 00:14:17,213 --> 00:14:19,047 Felix? You got... you got a question? 291 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:22,851 ...rid of the tummy grumblies... 292 00:14:23,687 --> 00:14:25,387 Tummy "grumblies". Do you need to... 293 00:14:25,488 --> 00:14:27,255 you need go to the bathroom? Is that what you're... 294 00:14:27,357 --> 00:14:30,425 Oh yeah! I gotta pinch off Mike Duffy before too long. 295 00:14:30,526 --> 00:14:33,095 OK. Well, that is very colorful imagery, and you are 296 00:14:33,196 --> 00:14:35,864 welcome to use the bathroom. You do not need to ask. 297 00:14:37,846 --> 00:14:38,934 ...half hour, so continue on 298 00:14:39,035 --> 00:14:40,655 with your Halloween chitchat or whatnot. 299 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:44,616 Alright. Let's break this down, ladies and gentlemen. There is a 200 year-old 300 00:14:44,651 --> 00:14:46,875 book club in this town that calls themselves 301 00:14:46,976 --> 00:14:49,945 a coven. This weekend, they will be celebrating 302 00:14:50,046 --> 00:14:51,747 the Solstice, presumably by holding hands 303 00:14:51,848 --> 00:14:55,217 and singing Kumbaya. Well, I say 304 00:14:55,318 --> 00:14:58,887 that we show them what a real coven looks like. So... 305 00:14:58,988 --> 00:15:03,414 any ideas for what we should do? No wrong answers. Yeah, Travis? 306 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:05,227 We could do a panty raid. 307 00:15:08,035 --> 00:15:10,671 So... just so I'm a 100% clear, 308 00:15:10,706 --> 00:15:12,901 that's where we would break into their houses and... 309 00:15:13,002 --> 00:15:15,337 - Steal their panties. - Steal their panties. Right. 310 00:15:15,438 --> 00:15:18,544 So, OK! I just wanna thank Travis, right off the bat, 311 00:15:18,579 --> 00:15:20,347 for being the first person to give a suggestion. 312 00:15:20,382 --> 00:15:21,643 That's never easy. There. 313 00:15:21,744 --> 00:15:23,712 I'm not gonna write that one down, cause I feel like 314 00:15:23,813 --> 00:15:25,714 it's just a little bit off... off-base for what 315 00:15:25,815 --> 00:15:27,849 we're looking for here. But yeah... 316 00:15:27,950 --> 00:15:29,651 Let's try to keep this in the realm of dark magic. 317 00:15:29,752 --> 00:15:32,154 You did say there were no wrong answers. 318 00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:35,190 Yep! I did say that, but, um, how about starting now, 319 00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:37,359 now that we all know the parameters. OK? Yes. 320 00:15:37,460 --> 00:15:39,161 - I like the panty raid idea. - The panty raid idea 321 00:15:39,262 --> 00:15:42,798 is not on the table, Bryn. It's not on the table at all. 322 00:15:42,899 --> 00:15:46,034 Here is all you need to know. Dark magic. Spells. How about that? 323 00:15:46,135 --> 00:15:48,937 We could use spells to make their panties come to us. 324 00:15:49,038 --> 00:15:53,141 - OK. Hmm... - Just like The Sorcerer's Apprentice. 325 00:15:53,242 --> 00:15:55,477 Uh-huh! Yeah, stop. Stop doing that. 326 00:15:55,578 --> 00:15:58,246 I'm... I'm so serious. I'm so angry and I'm so serious. 327 00:15:58,347 --> 00:16:00,248 - Felix, what do you need, man? - Um... 328 00:16:00,349 --> 00:16:01,271 What do you need? 329 00:16:03,453 --> 00:16:05,353 ...working on... take care of the tummy grumblies? 330 00:16:05,455 --> 00:16:08,356 Go to the bathroom. I have given you 331 00:16:08,458 --> 00:16:11,293 multiple green lights on that front. You know what guys? 332 00:16:11,394 --> 00:16:13,361 Look around. We are sitting in an atmosphere 333 00:16:13,463 --> 00:16:17,499 of absolute darkness here. Get inspired. Get inspired. 334 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:19,971 Payne, you must have some cool ideas. Come on! 335 00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,403 Come on! 336 00:16:22,107 --> 00:16:23,839 - I do have a cauldron. - Now we're talking. 337 00:16:23,940 --> 00:16:25,841 It'd be the perfect place to store all the panties. 338 00:16:25,942 --> 00:16:28,743 - Oh, my God! - We can get all the panties... 339 00:16:30,484 --> 00:16:31,346 Stop it! 340 00:16:31,971 --> 00:16:34,156 Stop it! OK, guys. You know what? 341 00:16:34,191 --> 00:16:37,270 Everything you're pitching here is child's play. 342 00:16:37,305 --> 00:16:39,542 I'm talking about something big! 343 00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:44,659 I'm talking about tearing at the very fabric of what they hold... 344 00:16:44,760 --> 00:16:47,863 of what they hold dear. 345 00:16:47,964 --> 00:16:50,332 And I think I know which fabric to tear. 346 00:16:50,433 --> 00:16:53,668 Are you sure you're not saying exactly what we're saying? 347 00:16:53,769 --> 00:16:55,871 No, Bryn. I am not talking about... 348 00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:57,672 I'm not talking about panties. 349 00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:06,583 Friends, hello and welcome to the 200th Official Summer Solstice Gathering! 350 00:17:09,554 --> 00:17:12,606 Today we are gathered to bear witness to everyone's 351 00:17:12,624 --> 00:17:15,859 favourite coven of "heretics" as they weave a new chapter 352 00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,995 into their pagan story! 353 00:17:18,096 --> 00:17:20,664 Please welcome Andy Tennesen. 354 00:17:25,203 --> 00:17:28,672 Thank you, Madam Mayor. This is a little 355 00:17:28,773 --> 00:17:32,409 poem of dedication titled 356 00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:36,547 Summer Into Me. 357 00:17:37,324 --> 00:17:39,082 "Beloved sun, 358 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:41,503 your rays, like..." 359 00:17:51,663 --> 00:17:55,966 - Mark? - Good afternoon, everyone. 360 00:17:56,067 --> 00:17:59,603 - What? - I said good afternoon, everyone. 361 00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:01,972 We can't hear you, man. Music's too loud. What do you say? 362 00:18:02,073 --> 00:18:03,907 - Music too loud? - Yeah! 363 00:18:04,008 --> 00:18:07,377 Alright. One second. OK. I'll just turn it off. How is that? 364 00:18:07,478 --> 00:18:09,613 - Oh, that's so much better! - Is that better? 365 00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,515 - Yeah. - OK. Felix, do you wanna take that? 366 00:18:11,616 --> 00:18:12,680 Take that for me, please. 367 00:18:14,586 --> 00:18:16,386 Don't sell it! Alright? Alright. 368 00:18:17,339 --> 00:18:19,823 So... this is what passes 369 00:18:19,924 --> 00:18:23,460 for witchcraft in this town, is it? Barbecues, 370 00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:26,396 touch football, and races in a potato sack... 371 00:18:26,497 --> 00:18:28,865 Mark, why don't you... Why don't you just calm down 372 00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:31,001 and come hang out with us? 373 00:18:31,102 --> 00:18:33,170 You'd like that, wouldn't you, Andrew? 374 00:18:33,271 --> 00:18:36,473 You'd love it if we'd just hung out 375 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:39,409 like chums. You may notice that we are guided 376 00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:41,411 towards a greater purpose now. 377 00:18:41,512 --> 00:18:46,550 So why don't you take your invitation and shove it up your ass? 378 00:18:46,904 --> 00:18:48,485 I'm here for one thing only. 379 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:52,982 To watch the world burn, either literally 380 00:18:53,017 --> 00:18:55,359 or figuratively. 381 00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:57,861 Bryn, give it a skronk! 382 00:18:58,879 --> 00:19:00,530 Hell yeah, bitch! Let's roll! 383 00:19:17,548 --> 00:19:19,349 - The quilt. Ah! - Mark! 384 00:19:19,450 --> 00:19:22,319 No, Mark, stop! Stop! Stop! This isn't you. 385 00:19:22,420 --> 00:19:24,221 You don't know anything about me, Andy. I only care about 386 00:19:24,322 --> 00:19:27,524 - one thing now: destruction! - Oh! My God! 387 00:19:27,625 --> 00:19:29,726 Now watch as I tear the very fabric of your reality apart! 388 00:19:29,827 --> 00:19:32,029 It's not taut enough. Gotta get it tau... 389 00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,231 - NO! - Ow! Ow, Andy! Ow! Andy! 390 00:19:34,332 --> 00:19:36,366 Andy, you're hurting me. Ow, ow, ow! OK! OK! OK! 391 00:19:36,467 --> 00:19:39,236 All of this because you got rejected once in your life? 392 00:19:39,337 --> 00:19:41,805 - Give me the quilt, Andrew! - No! This is not your quilt! 393 00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:44,041 This is the witches' quilt! That's our quilt! Come on! 394 00:19:44,142 --> 00:19:47,244 I'm the only one at this Solstice who's a witch! 395 00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:55,752 Such violence on the Solstice... 396 00:19:55,853 --> 00:19:58,055 This is not what being a witch is about. 397 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:02,225 This is exactly what being a witch is about. Right, Payne? 398 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,762 I don't know, man. This feels less like witchcraft and more like bullying. 399 00:20:05,863 --> 00:20:08,732 Yeah, we really should've done the panty raid. 400 00:20:08,833 --> 00:20:11,234 The panty raid was never on the table, Travis! 401 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:13,670 Never! That was never on the table! 402 00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:18,275 Thank you for saving my daughter 403 00:20:18,376 --> 00:20:20,410 from those human traffickers, Travel Dog. 404 00:20:20,511 --> 00:20:23,780 And good luck to ye, wherever you're bound! 405 00:20:23,881 --> 00:20:26,583 I don't know how you do it, Andy. 406 00:20:26,684 --> 00:20:29,286 You get rejected every day. It's honestly amazing 407 00:20:29,387 --> 00:20:31,254 you haven't taken your own life by now. 408 00:20:31,355 --> 00:20:33,857 - Thanks, man. - Yeah. 409 00:20:34,756 --> 00:20:38,128 Hey, sorry I got you kicked out of your coven. 410 00:20:39,057 --> 00:20:42,265 It's OK. Sorry I hurt your wrist. 411 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,134 Oh, it's OK. 412 00:20:44,235 --> 00:20:45,936 It's alright. 413 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:47,938 You wanna watch another episode? 414 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:49,940 Yeah. 415 00:20:52,243 --> 00:20:55,946 I'll find you, Travel Dog. And when I do, 416 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,648 I'll neuter you in a safe and professional manner. 417 00:20:58,750 --> 00:21:03,019 Because I am... The Veterinarian! 418 00:21:03,121 --> 00:21:04,498 This show is weird as hell, man! 419 00:21:04,589 --> 00:21:06,890 - Yeah! It's really good! - Yeah. 420 00:21:33,522 --> 00:21:35,635 - synced and corrected by sot26 - www.addic7ed.com